The ultimate battle
by Gadoken King
Summary: The tournament to prove once and for all who is the best character in the world of Nintendo! Matches have been drawn from a hat!After a long, long, wait, we've resumed for the third round! I bet you thought you were all rid of me! Well, ha!
1. Default Chapter

AN :alright, to begin with... I don't own any of the awesome Nintendo characters portrayed in this story. Just so you know. I also don't own the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and I don't care how many of you love Meatwad.

Prologue

Mario's Pad- The Mushroom Kingdom- 2:43 PM

NOTE! For the sake of your sanity and mine, Mario and Luigi will not be playing the role of the stereotypical Italian. Every other word out of their mouths will not have an unnecessary extra "a" at the end. I repeat, no ridiculous Italian accents. Enjoy!

(Feel free to whistle the Super Mario Bros. theme while reading for extra realism.)

"Ah! What a wonderful meal! Luigi, you make the best pasta!"

Mario pat his stomach with a big grin on his face. As an afterthought, he wiped the rich red sauce off his mustache and burped. Luigi rolled his eyes.

"Mario! Do you know how hard it is to get sauce stains off of these white gloves?"

Mario burped again. "No."

Luigi opened his mouth to shoot a remark at his slovenly brother when the door to their house slammed open. Toad came running in, panting and sweating.

"Mario! Th...there's an emergency! Ya gotta come quick!"

Mario did not move from the couch.

"Hurry? You mean like right now?"

Toad was practically jumping up and down.

"Yes!!!"

"Aww... but I just ate!"

Luigi shook his head. "Arghh! I'll go!"

Toad avoided Luigi's eyes. "Well... yea, I'm sure you'd be great and all... but it'd probably be better if Mario came..."

Luigi jumped up. "Anything that lazy bum can do, I can do better!" With that, he grabbed Toad's arm and dragged him out of the house.

Mario sat there for a moment, wondering if he should follow them. "Nah. I'm sure Luigi can handle it."

* * *

Mushroom Town Square- Mushroom Kingdom- 3:01 PM

Luigi dragged Toad into the middle of the town square.

"So, where is this emergency?"

"O...over there!"

"At one side of the plaza, a goomba had backed a group of Toads into a corner.

Luigi's jaw dropped. "This is your emergency?"

"See? Isn't it horrible! We shoulda brought Mario!"

Luigi wordlessly approached the goomba. Making sure everyone was watching, he preformed a light hop and crushed the renegade mushroom beneath his boots. Toad stared at Luigi in disbelief.

"Wow! How did you do that?! You Mario brothers are amazing!"

Luigi groaned as all the Toads began jumping up and down around their new hero.

* * *

Mario's Pad- Mushroom Kingdom- 3:15 PM

Mario turned off the TV. "Hahaha! That Shake is hilarious! He should just douse that meat guy in gasoline!"

Suddenly the TV turned back on. Mario jumped up. "What the hell?"

Out of the TV came three strange looking apparitions.

"W...who are you guys?"

The first ghost, noticeably Japanese, Mario realized, spoke.

"We are the executives of Nintendo!.... We are your gods, simple plumber!"

"Gods?!"

"Yes..... that is what I said...."

The second ghost came up.

"We have come with news. There will be a tournament! All of you simple video game creatures shall battle!"

The third ghost coughed lightly. "At least all the ones we own. Listen... we're putting out a new fighting game with you guys all in it. We need the money."

The first two ghosts glared at the third. Then the first one spoke up.

"We have painstakingly created a roster for this grand battle...."

The third ghost coughed again. "Actually... we pulled the names out of a hat...."

The second ghosted screamed. "Will you shut up! You've ruined our entire speech! We can't take you anywhere!"

The third ghost appeared hurt. "Well... sorry. Fine! I can tell I'm not wanted!" And with that he disappeared back into the TV screen.

The two remaining ghost looked at each other. "Now that that's over with.... Where were we...?"

Mario looked slightly put upon. "You know... the great tournament?"

"Oh yes! Prepare yourself!!! The great war will begin tomorrow!"

And the two ghosts disappeared, leaving Mario to ponder the words that were spoken.

"......... I wonder if there's any pasta left."

AN: Well, that's the setup! Here's the roster for this tournament. And yes, the names were in fact pulled out of a hat. So I don't want to hear anything about favoritism.

Mario vs Yoshi

Jigglypuff vs Bowser

Peach vs Link

Falco vs Pikachu

Samus vs Zelda

Dr. Mario vs Kirby

Luigi vs Captain Falcon

Donkey Kong vs Roy

Pichu vs Gannondorf

Young Link vs Ness

Fox vs Marth

Ice Climbers vs Mr. Game and Watch


	2. mario v yoshi

AN: Okay, I don't own these Nintendo characters. (sorry, I felt no need to come up with something witty here. No one really cares anyway) On with the first round of the tournament!

Mario v Yoshi

Yoshi's Island- Dinosaur World- 11: 15 AM

A large green warp pipe burst out of a quiet patch of greenery. Out jumped Mario, who preformed a double summersault and landed on his feet. He looked around for some applause. All he saw was two Koopa Troopas who were merely thankful that Mario hadn't landed on them. Mario hung his head and sighed.

"My talent is wasted on idiocy. Anyway... I wish they woulda told me who I was fighting... Oh well. I should just probably head to Iggy's castle. Bet I'm up against Bowser..."

Mario jumped on one of the Troopas, knocking the unfortunate turtle out of his shell. He threw the shell forward with as much force as he could muster. The shell slid forward, and Mario jumped on and rode it like a skateboard.

About halfway through the level, a green eggshell sprouted out of the ground. Mario crashed into it and flew off, landing on his face.

"Owww! What the hell was...?"

The egg hatched and a dumb looking green dinosaur popped out, making an unintelligible noise. Mario groaned.

"You? Oh well. Good. I have a bone to pick with you."

The more Mario advanced on Yoshi, the further back Yoshi crept.

"Just who do you think you are? You've gotten more popular than me and Luigi, you replaced Toad... and I saw you at a restaurant with Peach AND Daisy! You even have your own video games! You were the newcomer! You can't even talk!You're just a big dumb dinosaur! Who do all of these girls like you?!"

Yoshi shrugged and shot out his tongue, able to practically reach Mario from several feet away.

"Augh! Gross!"

He shook off the author's horrible sexual joke and sprang into action. He grabbed Yoshi's tongue and swung him around into a fast arc. Yoshi crashed into a wall and began softly sobbing with his weird noises. He turned to the side and saw a red Koopa Troopa walking around. He lashed out with his tongue and trapped the turtle in his mouth. He stood up and spit out the shell, which had somehow turned into three big fireballs.

Mario pulled out his yellow cape and smacked the fireballs back into Yoshi. Yoshi slammed into the ground, still smoking. He looked around wildly, and spotted what he was looking for. Walking further down the path was a blue Koopa Troopa.

Yoshi scrambled forward, Mario quick on his tail. He scooped the blue shell into his mouth, sprouting wings. He took to the air and flew off, out over the big bottomless pits. But Mrio jumped out after him, landing on the big red saddle on his back. He waited till Yoshi was far enough out over the pit, and then punched the back of his head, causing the dinosaur to spit out his shell, and lose his wings. Mario jumped off, using his cape to float to safety, while Yoshi plummeted to his doom, making those dumb sounds all the way down.

When Mario's feet touched ground, he heard the voices of the ghosts.

"Congratulations, plumber! You have advanced to the next round! Proceed!"

A warp pipe burst out of the ground. Mario hesitated for a moment, and then jumped in.


	3. Jigglypuff v Bowser

AN: Thanks for the reviews, you guys! Nice to know someone likes me... anyway, I want to see some more reviews! Also, shameless self plug, check out my two new dragonball z stories. They're really cool, so say my three reviews. making me the man..... anyways... heres chapter 3. And quick warning, if you like Pokemon, turn around right now. You don't want to see this.

One of those stupid cities- Pokemon World- 2:40 PM

Ash, Misty, and Brock were sitting in a bar. Brock was drunk and hitting on every girl in sight. In other words, not much different then every other day. Ash sighed.

"Awww. this sucks. Brock, I can't even drink.... and theres no way I can get into a pokemon battle in here!"

Misty shook her head. "He's an idiot, but he's right! This place does suck. I can't find a good looking man anywhere in here!"

Brock's face became thoughtful for a moment, then he shook his head.

"Nah... not drunk enough. But listen guys, just hang out a little longer. Lemme just catch a babe and we can go."

Pikachu rolled his eyes.

"Pika Pika... (Lots of people use these parentheses to take wild guesses as to what Pikachu means by 'Pika Pika', and after months of grueling research, I have found out that 'Pika Pika' means, "Im a dumb little bitch, someone end my life, PLEASE!" So feel free to insert that wherever you see 'Pika Pika')"

Ash shook his head.

"You might be a little bitch, we can't kill you, you're my friend!" He proclaimed with a cheesy grin. The dumb pokemon theme began playing in the background.

Pikachu began slamming his head into the bar.

Suddenly the walls crashed in. The Pokemon trainers turned their heads and saw Bowser come crashing through the walls.

"Bowser?!"

Bowser laughed maniacally as he strutted towards Ash. "You, little kid. You have any Pokemon?"

Ash jumped up. "Of course I do! I'm the best trainer in the world!"

"Except for all the trainers that actually evolve their Pokemon....." Brock grumbled.

Bowser growled. "Maybe one of them is the one those ghosts told me about. C'mon kid, show me what you got!"

"You got it! Pikachu! Thunder Shock!"

Pikachu looked at Ash with a face of disbelief. "Pika pika..." Then the rat turned around and ran.

"Pikachu!!!!! Come back! I thought we were friends!!!!"

Bowser cleared his throat. "If you are done crying like a 3 year old...?"

Ash snapped his head back around. "I'll make you pay! I choose you, Clefairy!"

Ash threw a small red ball onto the ground, and sure enough, out popped a strange little creature. The young Pokemon trainer laughed.

"Clefairy! Metronome attack!"

Clefairy preformed the metronome attack, which produced a random move.

Bowser was hit with a small ball of flame. It was barely noticed.

Ash screamed. "It had no effect!"

Bowser rushed forward and took Clefairy's head off with one bite.

"Ahhhhhhhh! Clefairy!"

Clefairy's headless body dropped to its knees. Bowser looked around, hoping to see a warp pipe appear, signifying that he had accomplished his mission. None came forth.

"Crap! Send me another Pokemon kid!"

"Y..you...you monster!!!!!!! I choose you, Bulbasaur!"

Out of the next ball popped a small green plant like animal.

"Bulbasaur! Use your vine whip!"

Out of the small bud protruding from the animal's back came a long vine. It snaked forward at an incredible speed and slammed against Bowser's shell. Bowser threw his head back and roared.

"Is that it?"

He threw open his mouth, and a huge flame erupted out. Bowser's flame breath burnt the Bulbasaur into ashes.

"No!!!...........Bulbasaur!!!!!!!!! That's it! I've had it!!!!!!!!!"

The next several hours went by, with Ash unloading all of his Pokemon at Bowser. Bowser methodically destroyed each one. Eventually Ash was down to his last Pokemon. He was practically in tears.

"This is it. Jigglypuff, I choose you...."

Ash dropped the ball on the ground, his spirit broken. A round creampuff of a Pokemon jumped out, holding a microphone and dancing around.

Bowser's jaw hit the ground. "They couldn't have meant this one... could they?"

Bowser walked forward to destroy the little creature when Ash shouted out "Use your sing attack!"

Jigglypuff began signing into his microphone. A high pitched cry erupted out, making Bowser stop in his tracks. He stumbled around groggily, and then fell shell first on top of Jigglypuff. A satisfying 'splat' sound came from underneath. Ash nearly threw up. Bowser sat up, the insides of his head spinning. Ash took his opportunity.

"He's stunned! I won't let your sacrifice be in vain, Jigglypuff!" A Pokeball hit Bowser on the side of the head. Bowser slowly turned towards Ash.

"What the hell was that?"

"W....wh..what? How come?..... You were supposed to be captured....."

"I'm not one of your dumb Pokemon, kid!" Bowser growled as he began advancing on Ash.

Ash slowly stepped back a few times, then turned around and ran. Bowser dropped into his dashing position and took off, sparks flying as he shot after the young Pokemon trainer. While he chased him around, a green warp pipe appeared near the bar. Bowser noted it, but decided he had slightly more pressing matters to deal with first.

AN- Im glad I am seeing some reviews. Keep em coming! Ill have the next fight out in a day or two, but be prewarned, it's really short. Remember, the more reviews I get, the more inclined I am to update faster. Bribery? yes. Cajolery? yes. Fun? you betcha. see ya soon!


	4. peach v link

AN: This match ended up going a little longer than I had thought, thanks to a tangent that just jumped right out of my head. So once again, I don't own any Nintendo characters, and I don't own the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And, another warning,(notice there is one every chapter?... oh well) if you happen to like Christianity in any way, Im really sorry. Just deal.

Peach's Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 8:44 PM

The green warp pipe that signified the start of a battle protruded from the ground. Next to the pipe, a green clad warrior holding a blue ocarina appeared. The hero of time straightened out his clothes and cracked his neck. He looked at the pipe, scowled, and kicked it. The pipe vanished quickly.

Link pulled out the Master Sword and held it above him. Even with no sun, the sword caught some light and glinted. A slight 'ting' sound effect was heard.

_It's good to be the hero of time..._

Link grabbed a wandering person and pulled him close.

"You! I need you to mark my map!"

The man stared at him with wide eyes. "W...Where?"

Link shoved the map in the man's face. "Anywhere... it doesn't matter, I don't look at the thing anyway. It's just the principle of the thing. Whenever you save a princess, you have to get a townsperson to mark your map."

The shaken man had found an opening and grabbed for it. "If you are looking for a princess, the castle is right over there..." The man pointed at Princess Peach's castle. Link's eyes lit up.

"Really?! Do you know of any secret entrances?"

The man stood still, staring unbelieving at the strange hero.

"Umm.... How about the open front gates?"

"Aha! That evil wizard will never expect a frontal assault! Here I come, Gannondorf!"

Link dropped the man, unsheathed his sword, and charged straight towards Peach's castle, screaming the whole way.

The man scratched his head, coming out of his daze. "... what evil wizard?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Front Gates of the Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 8:51 PM

Two Toads were strolling out of the castle, chatting and laughing. Link's expression became one of horror.

"Is this Gannondorf's evil magick? These creatures are even more vile than the redeads!"

Link ran forward with his sword drawn. It's at about this time that we should look in on our friends, Master Shake, Meatwad, and Frylock.

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The Aqua Teen's House- Somwhere on the Jersey Coast- 8:51 PM

"Well, Meatwad, I hope that clears up all your questions."

"Damn Frylock, what the hell do birds and bees got to do with takin a fly girlie home from the club?"

Frylock stuttered, "Well, ummmm, that is, you see... the bees, well.... They have stingers, and...."

Suddenly, Master Shake came running into the room. Both of his palms had red holes, clearly drawn with marker.

"I have seen the light! A burning bush has spoke to me!"

Frylock looked out the window. All of the lawn was on fire.

"Aw, hell no, Shake! What have you done?"

"It wasn't me!"

Shake dropped his lighter.

"Ummm.... Yahweh did it. I swear! He said so!"

"Shake, I see the lighter."

"You see, Frylock? It's because of people like you questioning religion, that this world is as messed up as it is!"

Frylock sighed. "Shake..."

"Yahweh spoke to me in a dream! I am the messiah! Look!"

Shake held out his hands. "See? The stigmata!"

Frylock shook his head. "That's magic marker, Shake."

Meatwad's eyes narrowed. "I knew you took my marker! I best be gettin my marker back, fool. I'ma mess someone up if I don't get my fix."

Shake threw his hands up. "I am the son of the Lord! I demand a sacrifice!"

"Shake, Christianity doesn't demand sacrifices!"

"Oh, don't they?"

"Shake...."

"Call me Jesus!"

".... Jesus...."

"Call me Master Jesus!"

".........Meatwad, get the cross ready."

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Peach's Throne Room- Mushroom Kingdom- 9:00PM

(Sorry, I'm not writing the death scenes of all those poor Toads. Use your sick, twisted imagination if you need to see this travesty so badly.)

Link rushed into the throne room, soaked red with.... ketchup (AN-deal with it). He looked up and saw Peach. He straightened up.

"Wow. You smell terrific."

Link shook himself out of his swoon.

"Princess, I've come to save you! Where is Gannondorf?

"Gannondorf? He isn't here. The wizard is in another castle."

"What?"

Peach shook her head. "Sorry, old line."

"So if Gannon isn't here, why am I saving you?"

"Saving me...? Didn't the ghosts explain what was happening?"

"Oh, those guys? Well, if you've heard one ghost, you've heard them all. Go save the princess, destiny, courage, blah blah blah."

"So you didn't pay attention?"

Link shook his head.

Peach pulled out her frying pan." Link, you must fight me."

Link's eye twitched.

"Fight....princess?....but...., I'm, supposed to.... Save princess.... But...., not...my.. princess, so... I ..."

Link's eyes crossed as Peach brought her frying pan down on the back of Link's head.

"Sa-weet!"

AN-yea, so it was a lot longer than I thought. And I know I said I was gonna try to hold out till I got more reviews and all, but I had this inspiration, and I needed to get it down before it flew away. But this changes nothing! (Puts on stern face) No more chapters till more review! Hmphhh. (Not very convincing, was it? Damn)


	5. falco v pikachu

AN- I know this chapter took a while to get up, and yes, I'm aware that it is absurdly short, but I had a fight with writers block that I barely won, and I'm doing like 4 other fictions at the same time, and I'm writing a book, and I'm drawing a comic book, and I'm playing six different video games at once, and I go to school full time, and I work full time. So freaking sue me, okay? I don't own Nintendo, and I don't own grey pupon.

Falco v Pikachu

Ummm... somewhere- Out in space- 3:53AM

Falco was humming as his favorite song came on the radio. He turned the volume to full blast and all that could be heard in his cockpit was the intensely loud voice of Britney Spears.

"Oh yeah! Hit me one more time is right! Sing it, sister!"

The three ghosts of Nintendo pulled up alongside of Falco's foxflier and tapped on the window. The sound was lost to Britney. The second ghost began waving wildly. Falco finally noticed them and rolled down his window. Before the first two ghosts could say anything, the third ghost blurted out, "Do you have any grey pupon?"

Falco shook his head no. "No, I wiped." And rolled back up his window.

The first ghost slapped the third on the back of the head. "Nice work, dick!"

"Don't you remember the commercials, man?"

Suddenly the second ghost's face lit up. "Wait a minute! We're ghosts! Why are we hanging out out here?"

"Oh yeah!"

The ghosts all entered Falco's cockpit. The third ghost covered his ears and screamed. "Ugh! Britney Spears!"

The first ghost shut off the radio. Falco looked around wildly. "Who did that?"

The second ghost raised his hand. "That would be us, bird brain."

"Who said that?"

"Us! We're these ghosts that have to tell you about a tournament."

"Ghosts? Tournament? What the hell sort of sense does that make?"

"It doesn't have to make sense! We're ghosts! Just listen! You have to land soon and fight this Pokem...."

"Ha! You voices think you can trick me by giving me a mission? I remember you guys! Well, I'm not doing any more dumb things just because you voices in my head tell me so." Falco grinned. "I won't fall for that again! Besides, I still have the pills I used to shut you guys up from last time!" Falco reached into the glove box and pulled out a prescription bottle of pills. "these babies shut you up real quick last time, remember?" Falco began laughing insanely as he popped several of the pills.

The ghosts all looked at each other, not sure of what to do next. The third ghost opened his mouth. "Dude, just listen..."

"You guys have gotten stronger! Not even the pills are working! I will have to use my ultimate technique!"

Falco stuck his fingers(Wingtips?) in his ears and began chanting "I can't hear you I can't hear you" over and over. The first ghost slapped his forehead and groaned.

"Fine! We'll do this the hard way!"

The ghost reached into the foxfliers engine and began disconnected wires. "I'm sure he doesn't need these!" He continued to pull out wires until the ship spun out into a nosedive, smashing hard into the planet below. "Now the dumb bird will have to fight!"

* * *

Out on some field somewhere-Pokemon world-4:00AM

Pikachu had been running nonstop for the past day since Bowser had attacked. Up ahead, he saw smoke and a crashed plane. A strange blue bird was pacing back and forth angrily, muttering to himself.

"The voices have become too powerful! What am I gonna do? I'll have to up my dosage, of course!" Falco opened up his bottle and poured the remaining pills down his throat. His eyes crossed for a second, and when they refocused, they noticed Pikachu.

"What the hell? How many of these things did I take?" he wondered, looking at the bottle.

"Pika Pika?"

"End your life?" Falco asked, conveniently understanding Poke-babble. "I guess I could do that for you." Falco pulled out his blaster and began shooting the little yellow pokemon while shouting out, "Die imagination rat, die! I'll make you voices wish you were never born! Hahahahahahahahahah!"

AN- .....yea..... I think I'll end the insanity here. Don't no one get mad at me, I don't hate Falco, I just could totally see him being a basket case. You can get mad about Pikachu though. He's a piece of shit.


	6. samus v zelda

* * *

AN- I don't normally do dedications, but this one really can't be helped. It appears I have a fan here on , and boy is he persistent. I'm so happy he began reviewing my stuff, because now I have more reviews than ever before. Makes me look professional! It's because of dedicated fans like you, anonymous reviewer, that I got into the fanfic business in the first place. I hope you enjoy this new chapter, and since you like this story so much, I'd like to invite you to look at my other works, all posted on my profile, obviously, but if you need genres and names....

DBZ- The sayian

DBZ- Angels

Street Fighter- Unsung hero

Lunar- For the Love of a Guildmistress (Incomplete, and will probably always be, unfortunately)

Final Fantasy 1- The light warriors... sorta

I hope to hear from you soon!

(Oh, and by the way, I feel bad, you reviewing all of my stuff, and me not being able to look at your work. The way you talk about my writing, yours must be phenomenal. So next time, grow a backbone and sign your reviews, dickhead!)

Sorry to all the people who read this story and are not my special fan. I wouldn't want you all to go through reading all that, but it had to be done. Anyhow, on with the show, and please, as always, REVIEW!

* * *

Hyrule Castle- Hyrule- 1:15 PM

Princess Zelda sat on her throne, nervously awaiting the prophecy of the other day to come true. Three ghosts had come to her during one of her meditation sessions, and she had been warned that she would be visited by someone from outer space today. The message had left her slightly scared. Who would this visitor be? Would she be able to defend her kingdom? And where was Link? The princess had instructed all of the inhabitants of the castle to leave, sending them all to take refuge in the nearby village of Kakariko. A creaking door pulled her out of her thoughts, and she began mentally preparing herself for a fight. She wasn't all that powerful, but she had access to magick that could rival even the warlock Ganondorf's. That, and should worst come to worse, she had another surprise.

* * *

Nearby, another warrior was having similar anxieties of her own. Her ship had crash landed on this planet, and so far, exploration of this castle had lead to nothing. Her ship had been fine right before the accident, so the space fighter felt slightly uneasy. She had scanned this medieval battlement for any forms of life, but she had found only one. She was now closing in on the solitary reading. She readied her arm cannon, charging up a full blast, so as to be ready for whatever lay behind the door. She slowly began to open it, and it made a loud creaking sound, pulling her out of her thoughts.

* * *

"You have three seconds to explain yourself."

Samus jumped back in surprise. The creature that set off the reading was a human! This was a surprise, as the space warrior was used to crashing on planets filed with Metroids, and Kraid, and sometimes worse. _This should be fairly simple, then._ "My name is Samus, I work for the Galaxy Federation! My ship has crash landed here, and I....."

"So, the premonition was correct! You are the visitor from space?"

_Premonition? _"Yes, I am from outer space. Look, all I..."

"You will not take my kingdom! Prepare to fight!" Zelda disappeared in a shine of light, and reappeared much closer to Samus. She threw both of her hands out, and sparks flew out, violently shocking Samus and slamming her into a wall.

_This woman thinks I'm sort of invader! ...Well, I suppose my armor makes me look intimidating... Oh well, I'll simply have to neutralize her. A weak stun missile should do it._ Samus threw up her arm, and a small, speedy missile shot out, slamming into Zelda and sending her bouncing around the room. Zelda shakily stood up, and muttered several strange sounding words. Then, much louder, she threw her hands out and screamed, "Din's Fire!" A small red orb flew out of her hands and shot towards Samus. Samus jumped into the air to avoid it, but the ball curved upward and exploded on impact. Samus crashed into the ground, her body suit putting out the fire with an anti flamatory system.

"Impressive! You have incendiary weapons? Well, let's see how you like mine!" Samus' arm made a clicking sound. She stuck it out, and large billows of flame spurted out, singeing the princess. Zelda realized she was losing the fight, and decided to play her trump card. A strange melody sung out in the air as the princess vanish in a plume of light. Where she was standing, a warrior dressed in dark garb appeared. The warrior said nothing as it darted forward with incredible speed. A kick came out at incredible speed, slamming Samus to the floor. Samus sat up, caught off guard by the transformation.

"Am I dealing with the same person?"

The warrior shook it's head. "I am Sheik!"

Sheik once again ran forward, pulling several needles out of a side pouch. This time, Samus was ready, and right as Sheik entered range, Samus rolled herself up into a ball and jumped up, catching Sheik in energy as she rocketed up. Samus landed and laughed. "How do you like my Screw Attack?"

Sheik jumped up, visibly angered. She jumped at Samus, pulling her arm back to perform her legendary (AN- and completely unfair) midair slap (AN- forward and a in the air. The move is vile.). Right before the blow connected, Samus remembered she had a full charge on her blaster, and threw it up. A gigantic ball of plasma erupted out of the gun and slammed into Sheik. The strange warrior flew wildly around the room, until she crashed to a stop, smoking and smelling burnt. Samus sighed and walked out of the throne room to figure out a way to fix her ship.

* * *

AN- Well, yes, it's another short chapter. Sorry, but it can't be helped. There was only so far this fight could go. And I can already hear the cries. "Sheik lost? But Sheik is incredible! Yea, she is, but I think (like Link) that she is incredibly over powered, and shouldn't have even been invited. So yes, she loses first round. It makes me sad too, because Zelda (Not sheik) is one of my favorite characters. But oh well. And sorry there was no humor this episode, but there really wasn't any call for it. These two characters are both so stuffy and rigid. I couldn't find anywhere to throw it in. Anyways, see you next time everyone!

Next episode- Dr. Mario v Kirby

It should be exciting!... well, probably not. But it might be! So read it anyway!


	7. kirby v dr mario

AN- Yay! No one has reviewed! Except for that chris guy. But he doesn't count! So, I will punish you all for not reviewing. Now, you face the wrath of..... another chapter!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha.......ha....heh...... yep.... It's funny, huh?........sigh. Oh well, enjoy your punishment.

* * *

The Clinic- Brooklyn-3:08 PM

Kirby sat in the waiting room of the clinic in Brooklyn. He sighed, as he was bored, and there were no cool magazines for him to read. Three ghosts had come to him and told him that he had come down with ultrasyphalarangeditus.... and an ear infection. Apparently, the only known doctor who could cure this disease was based in this clinic. Kirby turned as the nurse called out his name.

"Kirby? The doctor will see you now!"

"Finally!" Kirby jumped out of his seat and walked down into the room he had been directed to. He stepped inside and sat on the little cot. Suddenly a thought dawned on him. "Waitaminute! I don't have any ears!" As he exclaimed this out loud, the lights all shut off, and the door slammed shut. Two evil red eyes glowed in the darkness, half scaring Kirby to death. Then from nothingness, came an evil laugh.

"(Cheesy Charles Martinet laugh) ha- hah!You have-a fallen into my trap-a! Now, you will-a die-a!"

Kirby screamed. "I thought you said Mario and Luigi wouldn't use the dumb Italian stereotypes!"

Klyde, the author, loomed down from his keyboard. "This is true, but at the moment, I am REALLY sleep deprived. And technically, Dr. Mario doesn't count as Mario! In fact, five seconds ago, I decided that Dr. Mario is actually Wario in disguise!"

Kirby gave the author a sideways look. "....okay. Look, do us all a favor and don't ever write until AFTER you've gotten some sleep. Okay?"

Klyde shook his head no and slammed down a steel shutter over the magickal portal thingy that had been connecting the fanfiction world with his weird no sleeping make believe world at the computer screen.

Kirby's jaw had fallen. By this time, the lights had come on, and Dr. .... Wario, had been waiting impatiently for Kirby to stop talking to the wall. "Are you-a finished-a?"

Kirby nodded silently.

Wario rolled up his sleeves. "Good-a."

He swung his fist forward, slamming Kirby into a wall. Kirby set himself on fire, rushing at full speed in a flame dash. Wario took minimal damage, laughing as he shrugged it off.

"You can't-a beat me-a! I'ma Wario!"

Kirby pulled out his sword and jumped up into the air. "Final Cutter!" he screamed as he dropped the sword down at Wario. Wario shot his fist up and shattered Kirby's sword.

Wario laughed even louder as he picked Kirby up and threw him out the window. "Hah! Now you will fall-a out of bounds-a!"

Kirby smiled as he slowly flew back into the window. Wario growled. "I may not even-a be in this-a game-a, but that-a can't be-a fair-a!"

Wario beat Kirby up some more, to the point of jumping up and down on him violently. "Hah! Now youre-a at 500-a percent-a! Take-a that!" Wario picked Kirby up again, and with considerably more force, threw the puffball back out the window. Wario laughed to himself, gloating over his victory. This went on for several moments, and slowly but surely, he heard a panting sound. Kirby floated in through the window again, this time considerably more winded. Wario looked at the pink cloud with disbelief. "How can-a you do this-a? How-a do I beat-a you?" Kirby simply did his annoying little "hiiiiii!" taunt. Wario pulled at his hair in frustration.

Suddenly a strange voice filled the room.

"Aha! Gotcha!" Tom Hanks stepped into the room. "For shame, Abagnale. You're back to pretending to be a doctor?"

Wario looked around nervously, and then pulled off his mask, revealing the face of Leonardo Dicaprio! "Carl, how did you find me?"

Carl Hanratty shook his head. "I lost the trail four months ago. But then you sent me that note, saying "Im pretending to be a doctor in Brooklyn, catch me if you can. Seriously, cause im lonely and bored."

Frank Abignaile Jr. shook his head. "Oh yeah! I've missed you, Carl!" Abignaile, or Dicaprio (with only his head revealed, and the rest of his body still the size and shape of Dr. Wario, somehow) turned around without warning and bolted out the window. The sound of a ko rang out, and Kirby was declared the winner. Seconds later,. Carl Hanratty (Hanks) ran out after him, and another ko sound sung.

Kirby stood stock still, completely dumbfounded, looking at nothing in particular.

"I... I really hope the author gets some sleep soon."

* * *

AN- Well, that was interesting, wasn't it? Ummm, if I lost anyone with the Hanks and Dicaprio part, you probably haven't seen "catch me if you can" a flick staring both of them. It's an awesome movie, even if you hate Dicaprio. Believe it or not, this chapter will actually make some sort of sense if you see the movie. (But only some sense. Not a lot.... Actually it'll probably still sound insane. Oh well.) But hey, this should get you guys reviewing, even if only negatively. This is what happens when you don't review people! This is your punishment!Besides, I never understood how they could have Mario and Dr. Mario together. IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE! and now, it does, thanks to me! It was Frank Abiginale Jr. Pretending to be Wario pretending to be Dr. Mario to make some money! Now review, and the next fight will be better!

Next episode: Luigi v. Captain Falcon!

Stay tuned!


	8. captain falcon v luigi

AN: First things first, because I beg for reviews so much, I would like to thank Lemurian for giving one to me. The whole point of writing a fic is to get reviews. It means a lot. So thank you to you, and also thank you to all of my other loyal fans (I do have loyal fans, right?). I know I'm not updating very fast, but I am hard at work with my other fics, so please, patience. Anyways... on with the battles!

* * *

Death Wind- F-Zero Circuit- 4:00 PM

"Almost there! Almost there!" Captain Falcon stepped on the accelerator, trying like hell to achieve the new record on his current track. He leaned into the next turn, ready to claim his record.

* * *

Several turns ahead of Falcon....

A warp pipe grew out of the ground. Almost cartoonish-like, the pipe seemed to pull back and spit out a tall, skinny man in green. He landed on the ground with a thud and wildly looked around. He was on some sort of racing track, and the wind was blowing like crazy. Suddenly, he heard the sound of an extremely loud racecar, and the sound was getting closer...

* * *

Back with Falcon...

The next turn went by like butter. "Yes! I've actually got five seconds to spare! This is the last turn! I.... what the hell?"

Up ahead, a man in green was ducking down, screaming at the top of his lungs. Falcon tried to swerve, and crashed his Blue Falcon into the side barrier, stopping him in his tracks. He angrily popped the hatch and got out of the car.

"Hey! Moron! Pedestrians are not allowed on this track! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

Luigi dropped onto his knees and threw out his hands. "Oh god! Don't kill me! I'm so sorry, Mr. Blue spandex man sir! I didn't mean to ruin your race!"

Falcon jumped out of his car and cracked his knuckles. "Didn't mean to?! Why the hell are you here in the first place?"

Luigi was panicking. "I don't know!!!!!"

"Well, it doesn't matter now!" Falcon cocked back his leg and kicked Luigi, sending him flying through the air.

"AhhhH!" Luigi smashed into the ground, bouncing and skidding to a stop. He jumped up and threw a karate chop at his oppressor, who simply rolled through it. The momentum of his missed attack sent him stumbling forward, and he tripped on a rock. Behind him, Falcon rushed ahead with his Raptor Boost. He tripped over Luigi's prone body, slamming face first into the concrete. He took a moment to recover, and then jumped up. "Argh! You little punk! I was going nice and easy on you... but no more!" He threw his arm back and charged a punch, screaming "Falcon...." Luigi let out a little yelp and ducked, throwing his hat over his eyes. Falcon let out a loud yell of "Punch!" and threw the fist of flaming doom forward, missing the ducking plumber completely. Luigi's head was just low enough that when Falcon's body slid forward there was a crunch sound, and Falcon's face went white. He let out a little moan and fell forward, clutching his crotch, where Luigi's head had connected. Luigi looked down at his fallen opponent with a puzzled look.

"Huh? Oh well. This is my chance! Take this, Spandex guy!" Luigi squatted down, building up his inner strength. "Green missile!!!!!!!!" the cry echoed loudly and dramatically, as he shot forward... two inches, skidding along the cement with his face. He stood up, brushed the pebbles out from his mustache, and once again began charging. Once again, he went a good two inches, his face taking more of the street. This whole time, Falcon lay on the ground, writing in agony. Luigi stood up again, an angry look on his face. "NO! I will do this! Just watch!" He charged up for the third time, this time, putting extra power behind it. "GOOOOO!!!!" he screamed as he rocketed forward.... Three inches. "Well, it's a start... "he grumbled. "The next hour went by with Luigi attempting to defeat Falcon, and his face becoming really well acquainted with the floor. He was just about to give up hope, when something came over him. The five bean burritos he had for lunch finally finished digesting, and great flames spurted out from his ass, sending him flying at a tremendous speed at Falcon, who had finally quit crying and stood up to kick him around. The force sent Falcon skyrocketing out into the windy beyond, where he slowly got smaller and smaller until he became a distant twinkle in the sky.

Luigi jumped up and down with excitement, just as Mario showed up and walked up next to him.

"What are you so riled up over?"

Luigi gave an enthusiastic peace sign. "I did it, Mario! I beat someone! And it wasn't an accident!"

Mario rolled his eyes. "Sure you did."

"No really! I swear! He was about to destroy me, and I summoned up my power, and...."

Mario walked off, with Luigi trailing behind, insisting that he had won his match.

The three ghosts appeared. The first was yelling at the third. "Do you realize how late we are? I can't believe you made us this late!"

"It's not my fault!"

"You were the one who kept on saying... 'c'mon, I only need twenty more exp till I level up..."

"So? It's still not my fault!"

"Yes it is! I bet they didn't even fight! And they're hanging out, and drinking tea, and...."

The ghost caught sight of the race track, with the Blue Falcon crashed into the side of the track, and was now on fire.

"Or, maybe not....."

* * *

AN- Yeah, I know... the chapters are getting shorter. There is only so far you can drag these fights. I can't help it. So just deal. And with the exception of Lemurian, who is excused cuz I got a review, everyone has to review. Or I will destroy everything you have ever held sacred. K?


	9. DK v roy

AN-Heh, sorry it's been a little while. The fanfiction business is a pressing one. Been trying to keep my updates between my three stories as equal as possible, but it doesn't always work out. Oh, and to answer happy ham, who was the first to notice such an obvious thing, I've something special planned for Mewtwo (The only Pokemon I actually respect.) If you remember, I said that I drew matches out of a hat. And if you look at the Super Smash Bros. roster, it comes to an uneven twenty five. Mewtwo ended up being the odd man out. But don't worry, he'll eventually make an appearance. I'd like to take a mometn to thank my reviewers. Lemurian 04, thank you very much for keeping with me. Random person, I'm glad you enjoy the choas that is Pokemon desecration.Chris and both of you Tewks, hope you like the next few fights! Anyhow, on with the next match!

* * *

Eliwood's manor- Whatever world Marth and Roy reside in – 4:44 PM 

Donkey Kong let out a shrill cry, having defeated the last of the guards holding the front gate. It had been really simple, as the soldiers kept taking a swing, and then waiting for the "enemy turn", whatever that was. So once they all stopped moving, he simply began beating the snot out of all of them while they cried, "How come he can attack more than once a turn?!!" Now it was time to take out their leader. He had been approached by three ghosts, who had explained that this castle held bananas. Now, while DK had been attempting to civilize himself (He had taken classes, and now he even wore a TIE!), he just couldn't resist the call of bananas. So he had trekked through many lands, and had finally made it to the hiding place of the bananas. Implementing the plan he had come up with during his trip, he began punching the side of the castle, and once those bananas fell out, he would catch them and eat them. It was his best plan ever.

After several minutes of DK hitting the side of the castle, a young red haired teen stepped out.

"What in the name of all things holy are you doing?!"

The minute Roy stuck out his head, a group of forty some odd fangirls began screaming out his name. He nodded to them, and then stopped dead.

"Marth?!"

Indeed, one of the fangirls was actually Marth in disguise. Upon being recognized he gave a little 'eep' and ran off, leaving a cloud of dust behind him.

Roy groaned. "I always wondered why he wore a tiara..."

He turned back to Donkey Kong. "Alright you big ape! I'm giving you two seconds to stop attacking my father's manor!"

DK turned to face Roy, and with much deliberation, slowly made contact with the manor once again.

"That's it! You asked for it!" Roy dashed forward, bringing his sword down in an overhead slice. DK jumped back, dodging the blow.

"Oh yeah! Let's see you dodge... this!"

Roy cocked back, charged his inner energy for a moment, and then released.... Another over head slash.

"Fine! You want to play games? Then taste the wrath of my ultimate technique!!!"

He jabbed forward, pirouetted, stabbed again, and finished off with.... (can you guess?) that's right, his annoying overhead slash again!

DK simply stuck his arm out, and when the sword made contact, the blade snapped.

"Why didn't Roy's attack work?!?

Donkey Kong scratched his head. "Why silly red hair guy talk in third person?"

Roy's eyes crossed for a minute, and then snapped back. "My....my sword!"

DK approached Roy with a menacing look in his eyes. "You give me bananas.... Now!"

Roy ran back and hid. What could he do without a sword? He flashed back to his childhood...

* * *

Flashing back to Little Roy in 1975.... 

"Hey! Check out the little redhead!"

All the neighborhood kids converged on Roy, ready to beat him to a pulp out of jealousy. Roy turned to his group of four year old fangirls (ewww...) and of course four year old Marth (ewwww!) for help,. They all shrugged and ran away, leaving Roy alone with the bullies. This had become an every day thing, and Roy could not figure out anything to do to retaliate.

"How come little red gets fangirls?"

"I dunno, but lets pound in his face so that no girl likes the look of him!"

After they finished beating Roy's face in, he tried crawling away to safety. He ended up falling down a hole, landing in a subterranean cave in the style of all angsty heroes everywhere (Batman movie, anyone?).

There was an alter in the back, and on the alter, a sword. Even without any light penetrating the cave (so how did he see, then?), (shut up) the sword glistened, making a 'ting' sound. Roy felt to his knees in front of the alter. Suddenly a voice spoke in his head.

_What is it that you seek?_

Roy shook his head. Was the voice real? Or did he imagine it? He decided to answer and see. "I... I want to be strong enough to beat up the bullies who harm me.

_Impossible. You are a bitch._

"But.. but what can I do then?"

_Nothing. You will never be able to beat anyone. Your only hope is to become incredibly cheap as hell with a blade, and only fight those who are unarmed._

Roy's face lit up. "Of course! People who fight with their hands will be no match for me if I wield a blade!" He grasped the sword and ran off with a huge grin on his face. "Oh bullies!..."

* * *

Roy looked down at the broken sword in his hands. "What will I do now? If left to fight for myself, I'm worthless!!!!!!!" 

DK nodded, and punched Roy in the face, splitting his lip and taking some teeth. (Marth cried for ten days straight, and still needs therapy) Roy hit the floor, unconscious, and DK went back to punching the castle, eagerly awaiting his bananas.

* * *

AN- well, yes its short... but its all you ungrateful punks are gonna get! .. I swear... seriously. Hopefully I'll have another update real soon, but if you look at the matchings... you can probably guess it's gonna be a REALLY short fight. I'm really excited about the match after, though. Anyhow, this is how things stand now. 

Mario v Yoshi – Mario

Jigglypuff v Bowser- Bowser ---Mario v Bowser

Peach v Link- Peach

Falco v Pickachu- Falco ----Peach v Falco

Samus v Zelda- Samus

Dr. Mario v Kirby- Kirby ----Samus v Kirby

Luigi v Captain Falcon- Luigi

DK v Roy- Donkey Kong -----Luigi v Donkey Kong

Pichu v Gannondorf

Young Link v Ness ----Who will advance?

Fox v Marth ---------It's anyone's guess!

Ice Climbers v Mr. Game and Watch

And, the Roy talking in the third person joke was used already, but I loved it so much I put it in here. If anyone remembers the name (it eludes me) of the author, please let me know, so that I can give him his credit. Other than that, I'll see you guys next fight! Keep on reviewing! Oh, and in case anyone cares, it turns out that there really was no voice in the cave. Roy was in fact crazy. Oh well.


	10. gannon v pichu

Okay, this is just a big author's note, not an update. But it is still pretty important. Pink Parka Girl, I looked over your review, and I read your profile, and you said you don't want people to flame you because of their views on Pokemon. I believe you used the term bigotry. That makes you BAISED. And that's fine. You wouldn't be a good author or person if you weren't. But you can't be upset at other people for doing the same thing. I wouldn't feel like I was accomplishing anything if I wrote a completely random fic. The point of writing is to put your opinions on paper. That's why it is an art form. It is a means of expression. Had you said that I could use some work on my writing (which is true. I'm not taking the time to include details or background. But that's because this isn't a serious story. This is supposed to be fun.) , I would have listen. But you called my work filth and such, just because I don't like pokemon. You are being a bigot. You have to accept that people have different views, and if they have the ability to validate it, then you have to respect it. So here is my reasoning for my distaste for the pokemon (and yoshi). I am an avid gamer. Nintendo came to America's shores the day I was born (which is the coolest thing ever, in my opinion.) When I was 2, I got my system. Ever since that day, all I did was play video games. Still do. I have nothing but respect for the video game media. I have played the first Pokemon game (red and blue) I had all 150 pokemon. Hell. I won a contest and had Mew added to my roster. I played and enjoyed the game. That is where my respect ends. Then they made the yellow version. Same game (granted, some small additions) just to idolize a ridiculous mouse. And it just kept going from there. There are so many incredible video game characters out there who worked for their glory. People like Mario, Link, Little Mac, and Samus. The list could go on for days, but I will spare you. Then you have the two groups that I cannot fathom respect for. The "cuteseys", which would entail Pokemon, and Yoshi, and other ridiculous characters which have gained power in the video game world through the simple fact that they are cute. It is sickening that more people like Yoshi than Luigi, just because the damn thing is cute. Pokemon and Yoshi have come pretty close to destroying the reputation of video gaming as a whole. The other group, (which is even worse) are the sluts. Samus proved that you don't have to be big in the world of video games by showing skin. A perfect example of this sort of trash would be the new King of Fighters game. One of the greatest fighting franchises of all time, and this new game is garbage. They threw out awesome characters such as Benimaru and Joe Higashi, and put in new characters based on their breast size. The fact that gaming technology is evolving based on how well you can make boobs jiggle is sickening. But I rant. The point is, I have a reason for hating the pokemon, and if you had wanted to say something to me, you could have done it in a civilized way. In the future, you should contact the person directly, instead of sending a pointless flame. Sorry to have bothered everyone, but it's stuff I've wanted to get off of my chest for a while. (Besides, I'm sure there are hardcore gamers out there who are reading this and cheering.... I hope.) Anyhow, I promise I will have an update within the next few days. Actually... you know what? Here. This is the next match, just to emphasize the points I am making. Ladies and gentlemen.... Gannondorf versus Pichu!!!!!!!!

* * *

Gannon was walking down the street, when he felt something hit his boot. He looked down and saw a ridiculous looking mouse headbutting it. He pulled back his fist and charged his warlock punch. The little mouse let out a little 'eep' right before the purple flamed fist connected. Then there was a satisfying crunch sound, followed by a cry of 'Pichuuuuuuuuuuuu' that slowly faded away as the mouse rocketed off into the distance. Millions of hardcore gamers stood up and cheered. Gannon cracked his neck and walked away.

THE END

* * *

Next update: Young Link v. Ness

This match promises to be awesome. Two great combatants. Yay! Stay tuned!


	11. Young Link v Ness

AN- Well, almost there! That wonderful and beautiful 40 review mark! Whoever ends up being lucky number 40 will receive a cash prize and a random "Super Smash Bros." Plush stuffed toy! (Not as advertised). But seriously, we're almost there! We're coming towards the end of the preliminary rounds, and the tension is really heating up as people scream in outrage as pokemon die, and beg disgustingly for Ness to win. It could be anyone's game (Except for Pikachu's. It's dead.) While I won't use up space to name names, I would like to thank everyone who has been reviewing to this point. I'm trying my best to read everyone's stuff when I get a review, but it's difficult to get to everyone at once. So if there is something anyone would like me to take a look at, please feel free to tell me in your review, and hopefully I'll eventually get to everyone. Anyway, on with the fight.

* * *

Dungeon five, The Lizard- Hyrule- 10:18PM

Young Link (From now on, he will be referred to simply as Link, but he is the young one. Don't get confused) sat down on the floor, his breathing heavy and irregular. He had just managed to defeat a whole room full of Keese, and while they weren't very powerful, their speed had left him out of breath. _Stupid bats!... Those fangs look small, but man do they hurt….. Kinda like me, I guess._ Link snapped out of his grumbling, and looked at the treasure chest that had appeared. He took a deep breath and stood up. He walked over to the chest and hit the lock with his sword. The lock gave way, and Link swung open the lid. He looked in, and discovered…

"A flute?" Link said out loud. In every chest so far, he had found bombs, or a bow, or arrows. The flute was a new one. He picked it up, almost entranced by it's simplicity. He blew the dust off of it, and went to put it to his mouth. Something in the back of his head was screaming at him, warning him of the health dangers involved in putting his lips to something that had been in a dank cavern for so long, but he simply shrugged and began to play.

A strange light flashed throughout the room, and before Link knew what was happening, a tornado appeared out of nowhere and sucked him in, bringing him to lands unknown.

* * *

The outskirts of Onett- Earth- 11:05 PM

In a different part of the Nintendoverse, another young boy was having a very bad evening. Seconds ago, he had been abducted by aliens.

Ness sat up, and looked at his holding cell. He assumed it was a cell, seeing as how there were bars, and also a small uncomfortable cot. The only real thing that made Ness wonder, was that someone had left the door wide open. No one was guarding the place either, so Ness decided anything was better than sitting in a cell, and set off to explore his new surroundings.

_I wonder who brought me here….

* * *

_

Meanwhile, in the cockpit……

"Okay, I got the boy." The third ghost cheerfully exclaimed.

"So, you actually did something right for once?"

#3 nodded. The first ghost shook his head. "You are an idiot. Did you at least remember to keep his cell door open, so he would escape?"

#3 nodded again. Then his attention turned to the control panel. "Wow! These controls look awesome! Where'd ya get this thing, anyway?"

#1 looked down in shame. "We…uh… we kinda borrowed it."

* * *

Mars-Milky Way- 11:06 PM

Two aliens sat on the lisp of a crater, unsure of what had exactly happened. They had felt a slight breeze, and then the eject seats had malfunctioned, sending them crashing onto this barren planet. The strange thing was, after they had fallen out, the accelerator must have malfunctioned too, because it sped off for earth right after. The bigger alien sighed. "It's your turn." The smaller life form got up, walked away from the crater, and stuck it's thumb out, hoping for someone to come by and pick them up.

"This sucks."

* * *

Back on the Ufo…..

The second ghost walked into the cockpit and smiled. "Well, everything is set. I rewired the tornado from Hyrule to drop the little hero off on top of this craft. He should be arriving any second."

# 1 grinned. "Good. Let the show begin…."

* * *

Back with our hero…

Ness had worked his way through the strange new place he had found himself in, with no resistance at all. He had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. Up ahead, the corridor led to a ladder, and the ladder went up and ended with a hatch. Next to the ladder was a sign that said "salvation this way", with an arrow pointing up. Ness stopped for a moment, unsure of how good an idea it would be to follow the sign. _This seems almost too easy…… Oh well. Easy is good._ He shrugged and went up the ladder.

He climbed the ladder, which led him to the hood (think of it in terms of a car). Nothing could have prepared him for the sight that awaited him. The buildings of fourside were whizzing by below him at an incredible speed. Ness looked around, unsure of what to do next. From seemingly nowhere, a tornado formed and slowed down, dropping a young boy clad in green rather harshly on the floor. He sat up, rubbing his butt and grumbling to himself.

Ness gave him a lopsided look. "Who are you?"

Link returned the stare. "I could ask you the same thing. Where am I?"

The two boys stared at each other for several minutes, and the light of realization struck them both at the same time.

"This is all your fault!" They screamed in unison.

Link gave Ness a dirty look. "Whatdya mean, my fault! You had that stupid whirlwind drop me here!"

"Me? You abducted me from my bed with this stupid spaceship!"

Link drew his sword. "I don't even own a spaceship! You're just trying to confuse me!"

Ness pulled out his bat. "I think you're the phony one here!"

They both dashed at each other. Sword and bat clashing time and time again as both combatants tried to gain ground. The ship's unsteady movements and the slippery surface made this harder than it looked. Realizing he wasn't getting anywhere, Link jumped back and aimed with his bow.

Ness concentrated, and right before the arrow hit him, he let out a scream. "Psi- Flash!!!" (That's right, Psi. Not PK. I don't know why they use the term PK. It was Psi in Earthbound, so Psi it shall be.) The psychic explosion shattered the arrow, sending pieces of wood flying everywhere.

Link jumped back to avoid the green energy, and pulled out a bomb. He lit the fuse and laughed. _Let's see him try that again! He'll be blown to bits!_ Link threw the bomb at Ness, but a quick veer to the left by the UFO caused it to roll behind the psychic boy. Right before the explosion, Ness threw up an energy shield. "Psi Shield!" The force field took the brunt of the fire, but it still sent Ness rocketing towards Link.

Without any other alternative, Link threw up his shield. The was a loud 'CLANG!' sound as Ness's head and Link's shield met at high speed. Ness rolled to the ground, his head throbbing. Link laughed, figuring he had won the fight. Much to his surprise, Ness simply said "Psi Lifeup". Several sparkles rained down upon him, and he stood up, good as new again.

Enough was enough. Link took out his slingshot, and pulled back a Deku nut. It shot off with great speed, but Ness was faster. He hit the seed like a baseball with his bat, and the projectile came back faster than before at the one who shot it. It found it's mark in between Link's eyes.

Link stumbled backwards, more stunned than anything. Ness took advantage of his opponents break in concentration and pulled out his yo-yo. The yo-yo rolled underneath Link, and Ness gave a tug, making it jump up, knocking Link into the air. Ness cocked back with his bat, and smashed Link off into the sky. He nodded with a smile, and set off to find a way back to his bed in near Onett.

* * *

AN- Wow, sorry this chapter took so long. Finals and millions of papers have been cluttering my schedule. But luckily, I have a break between semesters, so I should be able to get some serious work done on all my fanfics. Well, I hope so, anyways. With this chapter, I tried to keep the characters closer to their original counterparts, as their representation in SSBM kinda messed things up a bit (Young Link didn't have the fire bow or the boomerang, and Ness didn't have PSI Fire OR Thunder, OR Magnet).As always, be sure to let me know what you think, I love hearing from everyone!

Klyde


	12. Mr Shnookums v Marth

AN- Sorry about the obscene update wait. I've been sick, and there have been some other things I will not bore anyone with. Also, for some reason, I just could not come up with anything for this fight. I still can't so don't expect much, but I wanted to move the story along. Hitting 40 reviews was such a wonderful feeling. (All the people with 200 reviews are laughing at me right now) As for the plush and money I offered reviewer #40, I lied. Mwa ha ha. Ahem. Anyway, let's get to smashing! Also, I don't own Ben and Jerrys ice cream.

* * *

Marth's bedroom-Whatever world Marth and Roy reside in-3:33AM

Marth sat in his bedroom, crying into a carton of Ben and Jerrys ice cream.

"I can't believe that dastardly (haven't heard that word since the 80's) ape destroyed the face of my beloved Roy! :Sob: Without a male fantasy, what am I going to do with my life?"

Marth sat and cried for a while longer, gorging himself with the ice creamy goodness that Ben and Jerry deliver to all unhappy women. Finally, an idea struck him.

"There's no use crying over a man who is now ugly. I'll just have to find a new fantasy!"

Marth pulled out his yearbook from his days at Smasher High (yes, they all went to school together. Why do you think they fight so much?) he flipped through the pages, looking for a good looking guy.

"Hmmm…. Kirby? No…. he's kinda flabby. Ness? Ick, too young. Shiek? .. hmmmm… maybe, but I think he's too busy with Zelda. Hmph, slut. Gannon, no, he's mean. And ugly. Link?….. too overdone. Mario?…. no, I can't stand mustaches. Popo….? No, while his parka is very chic, I don't like the idea of us both wearing blue. Wouldn't look good. Doesn't leave a lot of options…."

Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and the nose of an Arwing broke through the wall of Marth's room. Fox stepped out and shook his head.

"Shouldn't have taken that left at Albuquerque…."

Marth looked up at Fox, not sure of what to say of the intrusion. Finally he settled with, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Fox shrugged his shoulders. "These ghosts appeared in front of me while I was driving. They told me there was this wonderful shortcut. I was kind of late, I had promised Peppy I would meet him in the airspace above Corneria, so I took the ghost's advice. That did me a whole lot of good, as you can see. It put me right through your wall. … Sorry about that, by the way…"

Marth hadn't been paying much attention to Fox's speech, however. "You know, if I can't have a guy, maybe a cute pet would be a nice distraction."

Fox dropped his jaw. "I am no one's pet! I am an intergalactic star pilot!"

Marth smiled. "I'll get you a nice bow tie and sweater, so don't you worry about a thing, Mr. Shnookums. Can I call you Mr. Shnookums?"

Mr. Shnookums shook his head in terror. "NO!"

"You sure are funny, Mr. Shnookums, come here!" Marth dashed forward with his hands stretched out, ready to catch Mr. Shnookums in a big ol bear hug.

Mr. Shnookums dodged to the right, while at the same time pulling out his blaster. "I'm warning you, Marth. I will not be held responsible for my actions if you try to hug me again."

Marth took another step forward. "But what's wrong with wanting to hug you and squeeze you?"

"Right. That does it." Mr. Shnookums squeezed the trigger, causing energy bullets to go flying toward Marth. For some odd reason, the energy had no effect. Mr. Shnookums looked at his gun in dismay. "What happened? Why isn't my blaster having any effect?" He careful inspected his gun, finding a tag on the handle. The tag read "Stupid light toy gun. Made by Blamo. Never point at eyes or groin." Mr. Shnookums dropped the gun wondering how he ended up with a toy gun.

* * *

Great Fox- Somewhere in space- 3:37AM

Falco laughed to himself as he played with Fox's blaster. "I wonder if he'll realize that I switched his gun with a toy…"

* * *

Marth's Bedroom- Fire Emblem World- 3:37AM

Marth continued to advance on his new pet, the evil intention of hugging and squeezing still foremost in his mind. It looked like all hope had run out for our hero. Several seconds later, all that could be heard was the screaming of one Mr. Shnookums.

* * *

AN- Short, I know. Sorry, but like I said, I just wanted to post something so everyone would know Im still working on this thing. The next fight should be a little better, and it will mark the end of the first round. How exciting! In case you couldn't tell, I find Elmira from Tiny Toons to be one of the scariest evil entities in existence. Now that I'm somewhat back on track, hopefully the next fight will be out soon.

Next fight- Ice Climbers Vs. Mr. Game and Watch.


	13. Mr Game and Watch v Popo

AN- I don't own Absolut Vodka, but I do own several bottles of the stuff. Yum.

* * *

Mt. Big- Ice Climber's World- 5:01 PM

Popo pulled himself to the top of the cliff. He stood up and stretched out his back. He looked down at the panorama below him. Fields of white spread across the land. This was what mountain climbing was all about.

"Geez, that was tough. But it was worth it! I finally got away from that dumb..."

Nana stuck her head up over the plateu. "Hey! Wait for me, Popo!"

Popo slapped his forehead. "Crap! What do I have to do to get rid of you?"

Nana gave Popo a glare. "That's not how you were talking two years ago!"

Popo sighed. "Nana, that was two years ago! I was drunk! What the hell do you want from me?"

Nana hung her head. "Popo, we were meant to be together..."

Popo snapped. "Why?! Just because we both have stupid parkas?! Because we both use mallets?! Because we both have dumb names that go well together?!" At this point he was screaming.

Nana looked as if she was on the verge of tears. "But....but what about the child?..."

Popo was still going on his rant, however. "I paid for that kid! You get part of my check every week! Do you know what that money is?!"

Nana shook her head silently.

"That's 'leave Popo alone' money!" He stuck his flag into the snow, claiming the mountain for his own. "Now get the hell off my mountain!"

Nana began silently sobbing. "But... but what about Nintendo? We're supposed to be a team!"

Popo put his hand on Nana's shoulder. "Look. We fight together, okay?"

Nana looked up with a look of hope. "We do?"

"Yeah. But that's it!"

Nana looked like she was about to start crying again. "B...but..."

Popo growled. "Don't push it, woman."

A thought crossed his mind. "If you're here, who's watching Popo Jr.?"

* * *

Nana smiled. "I hired a babysiter. Her name is Juanita."

Nana's Apartment- New Jeresy- 5:15 PM

"Popo Jr! It's nap time! You need to go to sleep!"

Little Popo Jr. was sitting in his crib, wearing a light blue parka. He shook his head, and spoke the only word he had learned to this point.

"Ba-ba!"

Juanita shook her head. "No food. Naptime!"

Before Juanita knew what had happened, a mallet flew from the crib, slamming into her nose, and knocking her to the ground. She sat up and held her bloody nose.

"You little bastard!"

Popo Jr. laughed, and pulled out another mallet from god knows where. "Ba-ba." He repeated.

Juanita went to protest, looked at the mallet, and thought better of it. She got up and went off to get a bottle.

Popo Jr. put the mallet away, laughing loudly to himself.

* * *

Flat Zone- LCD Land- 5:20PM

Many miles away, the ghosts were having difficutlites of their own.

"Beep."

The first ghost slapped his forehead. "What the hell does 'beep' mean?"

The second ghost shook his head. "How am I supposed to know?"

They were all sitting around Mr. Game and Watch, trying to decipher his rather unusal method of communication. The third one decided to try again.

"Do....you....have....any.... grey....pupon...?" he asked the question loudly and slowly, as one would talk to a small child, retard, or immigrant. The other two ghosts growled.

"Will you quit it with that ridiculous joke?"

"I mean, technically it isn't a joke. It has to be funny to be a joke."

Suddenly, Mr. Game and Watch pulled out a bell and shook it, creating a strange sound. Then, without further ceremony, it tilted horizontally and fell asleep.

"Crap." the first ghost sighed.

The third ghost smiled. "Hey, at least we're getting somewhere! The bell means 'nap time'!"

The second ghost hung his head. "Why do we even bring you anywhere?"

The third ghost shrugged. "To add more dialouge?"

* * *

Mt. Big- Ice Climber's World- 10:29PM

Popo had final drifted to sleep, clutching his mallet as he dreamed of .. well, if you must know, it involves lots of things we really can't talk about here. At the very least, the dream involved lots of alchool, and plenty of women of ....negotiable affections. What? Were you expecting him to dream of climbing mountains and polar bears? Sorry.

The third ghost grumbled as he snuck into Popo's tent. _Man, why do I get stuck with the dirty work? How am I supposed to get this little Ice Climber dude to go fight the bell guy?_

The ghost cleared his throat, and let out the most terrifying sound he could think of. "POPO! Time to go to SCHOOL! GET UP!" he yelled in a shrill voice.

Popo jumped up, bringing his mallet into the ready position. "What did I tell you about that school crap!" he yelled at what he believed to be his mother. He looked around, realized where he was and shook his head. _Man, must be imagining things..._ He went to go lay back down, and noticed the ghost standing (ummm... actually, probably floating. yea, floating.) He noticed the ghost floating there. He put his mallet in between himself and the apparition.

"Who the hell are you?"

The ghost frantically racked his brain, trying to think of the best way to instigate a fight between the Ice Climbers and that Game and Watch guy. He decided to fall back on his most fool proof plan.

"Hey, Ice Climber dude, that Game and Watch guy has been talking a lot of shit about you."

Popo raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you babbling about?"

The ghost continued on. "Seriously, dude. He was all like 'I could totally whip that eskimo's ass' and I was all like 'really?' amd he was like 'yeah'. You shoulda been there."

Popo gave the ghost a lopsided look. "Yea.... I guess so..."

The ghost grinned. "So what's up? You gonna take that from him?"

"I feel like I'm in grade school all over again."

"So c'mon! I wanna see you mess this guy up!"

Popo went to go back to sleep. "No, that's okay. I'm not wasting my time on Game and Watch. Everyone knows he's a skitzo."

Now the ghost was desperate. "Dude, if you kick his ass, I'll give you eighty bucks!"

Popo stopped. _Eighty bucks?_ He could already see the bottle of Absolut Vodka. Maybe he could spare the time.....

"Alright ghost man. Where do I have to go to get my liquor money... I mean, beat up this guy?"

The ghost grinned. "Right this way...."

* * *

The Flat Zone- LCD Land- 11:42 PM

Popo barged into the home of Mr. Game and Watch.

"Hey, Game and Watch! Get up!"

Mr. Game and Watch sat up grogily, wondering who would be visiting him at this hour of the night.

In an attempt to be friendly, he politely said. "Beep."

Popo shook his head. "I'm not interested in your psycho-babble. You been talking shit about me?"

Game and Watch, very confused, answered by pulling out his bell and ringing it.

Popo growled, smacking the bell out of his hands with his mallet. Mr. Game and Watch looked on in shock at the transgression the little eskimo had made. He slowly got out of bed by preforming a cartwheel and looked Popo dead in the face. "Beep." he said slowly and menacingly.

Popo shrugged. "Whatever, stick man. Come get some!"

Popo ran forward, bringing his mallet up to strike with an overhead smash. Right before it conected, G&W grabbed his chair and parryed the strike. Popo spun around, his mallet connecting with a glancing blow to G&W's legs. G&W jumped up and grabbed his frying pan, unleashing upon Popo the fury of... sausage?

Popo recovered from the shock of the attack and snatched up a piece of the flying meat. "Yummy!" He said as he took a bite. Then he turned back to G&W and materialized a chunk of ice, which he then smacked at him with his hammer. G&W pulled out a bucket and caught the projectile with a confident "beep." He cocked back and threw the bucket's contents, nearly catching Popo with a spray of oil. Popo dashed at his opponent, ready to end the battle here. Right before he could attack, G&W pulled out a lit match and slapped Popo in the face with it. Popo caught on fire and fell to the ground, pain wracking his entire body. G&W pressed his advanatge, beating the fallen Popo with a huge key, his own mallet, a manhole cover, and other various assorted objects. Popo looked as if he was about to give in.

Suddenly, Popo recieved a vision. Nana looked at him with teary eyes and pleaded, "Popo.... you can't give up! You have to win!..."

Popo snarled. "Shut up, biotch! And get the hell out of my head!"

The Nana in his vision hung her head and slowly walked away. G&W was still kicking the crap out of our fallen hero, however. Out of nowhere, Popo recieved a second vision. Popo growled. "I swear, if that dumb woman..."

"Popo!"

Popo found himself staring at a gigantic bottle of Vodka. "Popo, you cannot give in! You must harness your inner power! For me!"

Now the visions were talking Popo's language. "You're right! I can't give up now!"

Dispite the beating the 2D fighter was inflicting, the brave Ice Climber slowly got up, and began screaming. A very Dragonball Z -like aura surrounded him, and things began flying everywhere. He pulled back his hands and focused his energy, shooting out a huge beam of ice. The beam smashed into Game and Watch, freezing him solid. Popo's aura faded, and he began breathing heavily. "I...I did it...."

The third ghost, who had been watching the fight, tried to sneak off. Popo turned around and yelled, "Hey! You forget about our deal?!"

The third ghost stopped guiltily and sighed, reaching into his pockets.

* * *

Several hours later....

Popo was skipping down the street, happily drinking from his big bottle of Vodka. Everything was wonderful, now. Only one thing was missing...

"Hey! Nana! Get your god damn ass over here! It's time for your fifteen minutes of fame!"

Nana popped her out of the window of her apartment. "You came back! You really do love me!"

Popo shook his head. "Hell no! I'm just drunk! Now get the hell over here!"

Nana sighed and came out of the house into Popo's embrace. They went off to do god knows what. The camera pans up towards the clouds, where the huge bottle of Vodka from Popo's vision watched down upon him from the clouds. "...He truely is... the Chosen One...." The bottle watched on as the sun set, typical of any dramatic movie.

* * *

Meanwhile....

The first ghost was glowing with anger. " How do you lose eighty dollars?! How the hell are we supposed to call a taxi now?!"

The third ghost hung his head.

AN- Well, there it is! We have finished the first round of the tournament! I hope everyone is as excited as I am! Here are the matches for the second round.

Mario v Bowser

Peach v Falco

Samus v Kirby

Luigi v Donkey Kong

Gannondorf v Ness

Marth v Ice Climbers

Stay tuned for the most anticipated match of the tournament, where Nintendo's two biggest super powers fight it out in the grudge match of the century! See ya then!


	14. Mario v Bowser

AN- Well, everyone, we've made it to the second round! Aren't you all excited? Well, I am, and that's all that is important. So I now bring the most anticipated match ever, Mario vs. Bowser!

Outside Bowser's Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 9:22 PM

Mario stepped up to the gate of the castle. Without even really paying attention, he took a sharp right and walked toward the "secret" side entrance that he had been using for years. He stepped in, absentmindedly ducking a fireball that shot out at head height.

( I would give a description of Bowser's Castle, but if you don't know what it looks like, you should go play a damn Mario game.) An armored Koopa Troopa jumped out from a small alcove with it's fangs bared. Mario yawned, performing a half assed jump that knocked the lizard out of it's shell. He began playing a game boy with one hand, and with the other, he lazily picked up the discarded shell and threw it without looking. It hit a brick in the wall which looked like any other brick. The brick slid in, and a staircase extended from the ceiling, and a neon sign lit up, flashing "This way to Bowser". He continued playing his gameboy as he walked up the stairs.

At the top, fire erupted from all angles. Bowser stepped out of the shadows, laughing his evil laugh. "Mwa Ha Ha Ha! Mario! Your time has come"

Silence.

Bowser cleared his throat. "Umm... Mario? Your time. It has come."

"Hold on." Mario continued playing his game boy.

Bowser tapped his foot impatiently. After several minutes of Mario muttering "yeah." and "take that, little slut." at his game boy, Bowser reached the end of his patience. He slammed his foot into the floor, sending a shockwave across the room. Without looking up from his game, Mario did a backflip, avoided the tremor, and completed the level at the same time.

Mario saved his game, put the handheld system away, and gave Bowser a glare. "You couldn't wait for me to finish the level? You truly are dastardly"

Bowser laughed as he began to gloat. "I'm impressed you made it past my elite guards, Mari..."

"The same way I always do, man."

Bowser growled at being interrupted and went on. "And I don't know how you made it through the traps of my castle..."

"Um, you do know how high I can jump, right"

Bowser hung his head, his steam finally running out. "Man, it's like this every time!..."

Mario walked over to Bowser and put his arm around the gigantic koopa's shoulder. "It's okay, Bowser. We've been doing this for over 20 years. People tend to get sloppy in their old age." Mario immediately regretted the words the moment they left his lips. Bowser began sobbing loudly into Mario's chest.

"I'mmmm ooooldddddddd!' he cried.

Mario patted Bowser's shell. "There, there... it's ok"

In between sobs, Bowser sputtered"But, I've been doing this for 20 years, and I haven't beaten you once"

Mario continued consoling Bowser, rolling his eyes where he couldn't see. He continued in his caring voice. "Well, maybe you just need a break."

Bowser jumped up, his eyes sparkling. "That's it! I just need to get out"

Mario nodded his approval. Bowser, very shyly, asked"what are you doing now"

Mario shrugged. "I'm free."

"Great! I know this awesome place downtown. Want to hit it up"

Several hours later...

"Man! So I said to the guy, I was like, do you have any idea how hard it is to park this thing? But he still gave me the ticket. It was screwed up"

Mario laughed at Bowser's anecdote, both Nintendo stars thoroughly drunk. Suddenly Bowser got serious. "You know, I was serious about the whole retiring thing."

Mario paused, his drink halfway to his mouth. "Really"

Bowser nodded. "No matter how many times I try, I just can't seem to get you. And every time I try something different. But it never works. I always end up in lava, somehow..."

Mario laughed. "Maybe you should try not having lava everywhere in your castle."

Bowser shook his head, absorbing the information. Mario went on.

"And have you ever thought about maybe not always having some kind of strange pattern? You always, like, stomp around, or drop little guys, or have an axe at the end of the bridge. Maybe if you just, like, get me in an unfurnished room, and like, boxed me or something."

Bowser kept nodding silently.

"I mean, Donkey Kong had the same problem. He was throwing these barrels at me, and one day I was like, dude, why don't you just forget the barrels and just like, come down here and get me? So one day he did. We... um... we stopped talking after that. I hear he settled down with this young dude, and they go on all sorts of adventures..."

Bowser nodded one last time, his head slamming into the bar as he did so. Mario didn't notice and kept on talking throughout the night.

One week later

Princess Peach shook her head. "Why are we here, Mario"

Mario sighed. "I told you. The big guy's retiring. The least we can do is throw him a party."

Luigi scratched his head. "That's the part I keep coming back to. The least we can do? The guy's tried to kill us for over 20 years"

Mario nodded. "Exactly. 20 long years. The poor guy deserves a break."

Toad shook his head. "Did we, like, get him a present, or something"

Mario shook his head. "Now, we aren't going that far. The bastard is a king. Let him get his own crap. Besides, how do you think I paid for this party" Mario held up a Koopa Express credit card, with the name "Koopa, Bowser" engraved on the bottom. "I'm gonna wait for him to get bombed and then slip it back in his wallet."

Luigi nodded. "Look! He's about to give his speech"

Bowser got up to the podium. It was obvious that he had already been drinking, as he wobbled up the step. He scanned the crowd, looking at all the people whom he had come to know over the years. Hundreds of Koopa Troopas and Goombas lined the party hall. That and the plumbers. And the princess. And that little mushroom guy. Bowser sighed. _This is all I have to show for twenty years of hard work?... They didn't even get me a present. But the party hall is nice. Wonder who paid for it?..._

He cleared his throat and addressed the party. "Everyone, it's been twenty long, hard, years. But we had some good times, didn't we" There were a couple of "yea rights" from the back row of goombas.

Bowser's speech went on toward the end of the evening. Most of the goombas had left, and Luigi and Toad had come up with excuses hours ago. Now only a few Koopa Troopas, Mario and Peach remained. Bowser was still at the podium, swaying back and forth, a tie tied on top of his head, and a lampshade stuck to one of the spikes on his shell.

"And that's why... I love you guys..." And with that, a drunken Bowser crashed into the ground. Peach nudged Mario. "Twenty years or not, it's time to go."

Mario nodded. He got up, and patted Bowser on the head. "It's been real, buddy." Then he slipped the credit card back into Bowser's wallet and left with Peach.


	15. Falco v Peach

Princess Peach's Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 7:45PM

Peach sat at her throne, looking down at the two ghosts who had requested her audience.

"So let me get this straight. I have to fight another battle?"

The first ghost nodded. "The kids are loving this tournament."

The second ghost coughed. "Well, except for the guys who like the Pokemon..."

The first ghost sighed. "Well, yes, everyone except them..."

Another cough from the second ghost. "And... and the people who liked Roy..."

"Oh yes, the Roy fans as well..."

The second ghost hung his head. "And... there was that one who was upset about Zelda, and a few people were pissed about Yoshi..."

"Fine!" the first ghost yelled. "Nobody likes this tournament! Everyone is upset at the results of the first round!" he turned to the second ghost. "Are you happy now!"

Peach watched this spectacle with an amused look. "Well, at least no one was upset about Link losing. He was a moron."

The first ghost gave a panicked look. "No! She doesn't mean that!"

Peach stared at the ghost. "Who are you talking to?"

"The audience! You can't say things like that to them! They're very touchy! Link is one of the most popular characters in this game!"

"But why? He's a bit slow..."

"Shhhhh!"

"I don't get it... so who do I have to fight now?"

The second ghost looked down at his clipboard. "You're up against... Falco, from Star Fox."

Peach nodded. "That's fine. I hope people won't be too upset when I beat him."

The first ghost shrugged. "He's kind of on and off. Bit of a pill problem. Might be best if you take him out here."

"Okay. Say..." Peach looked at the two ghosts thoughtfully. "Wasn't there three of you last time?"

The second ghost tried to hold back a snigger. The first ghost cleared his throat. "We... we sent him on a special assignment..."

Unknown Place -Unknown Universe- 5:33 PM

The third ghost was getting frustrated. "Guys! We have to give these people a fight! What are you two doing?" _The boss is counting on me! I have to make this fight special! What are they doing?_

On one side of the battlefield, the first paddle from pong moved back and forth, making strange beeping sounds. On the other side, the L shape from Tetris just stood there.

"Would you two do something!"

Outside Peach's Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 7:50PM

Falco stumbled down an alley, still feeling the effects of his overdose from his previous battle. Visions of strange rats and Britney Spears floating in and out of his dwindling consciousness.

"Stup...stupid voices... I, i showed tHem! They saW somehting. I swear! They won't mess with me again!" Hahahahahahah!" At this point, Falco walked into a wall, abruptly cutting off his rant.

He got up shakily, and said, "."

Some weird looking creatures came running into Falco's deranged view. Falco squinted his eyes. _Those pills must be stronger than I thought! _

The Toads looked at the deranged madman. "See, Princess? This is the psycho we were talking about!"

The Princess nodded. That was Falco all right. "I'll handle this, boys."

Falco looked up at all the noise. The monsters were still there, and... Falco's heart skipped a beat. _Britney!_

Falco got up and walked slowly toward Peach, a twitch in his eye.

"Britney!... Britney... can... I ...can I have... a ... have an autograph?"

Peach raised an eyebrow. "Britney?..."

"Can.. can I have a piece of your hair?..."

Peach stepped back in fear. "What are you talking about?..."

Falco's shadow loomed over Peach. "I...I love you, Britney Spears..."

Peach's eyes went wide. Several strange sounds came from the back of the alley. The two Toads averted their eyes in horror. One of them threw up. Blood came flying out onto the street, covering the Toad. The other Toad looked at it for a second, and then threw up again. Eventually the traumatizing sounds stopped, and the Toads stuck their heads in to see the results. The Toad threw up again. The other Toad blinked a few times to assure himself he wasn't seeing things. Then he shook his head.

"Sick, dude."

The first ghost and the second ghost were sitting around a table in a coffee bar. The first ghost finished his small frapa-mappa, kazappa-chino and burped. "I can't believe that they charged me four hundred and twenty two dollars for this four ounce thing."

The second ghost tried to say something, but found it hard to open his mouth, as his entire body was visibly vibrating.

The first ghost shook his head. "I told you you shouldn't have had that eight triple shot espresso. Dumbass."

The second ghost tried to nod, but found that impossible as well. The first ghost sighed.

"Well, they'll all be sorry when this tournament is over... hahahaha!" he said, using his best maniacal laugh.

The second ghost went to laugh, but could only merely hiccup.

Back at the Unknown Battlefield

The third ghost was pulling out all of his tricks for the sake of a good fight. He sidled up to the L'shape from Tetris.

"Dude, that Pong guy says he slept with your mom. He says that means he's your dad. You should totally mess him up!"

No response.

The third ghost hung his head. He dashed over to Player one from Pong.

"Man, he's mocking you. Look at the bastard!"

No response.

"Dude!"

Nothing.

"God damn it!"

Back at the Mushroom Kingdom...

The first ghost and second ghost strolled leisurely down the street. The second ghost had finally finished his caffeine rush and was able to open his mouth.

"So, you think the Princess is done with General Pill Head?"

"Eh, maybe. Kinda hard to lose to someone who can't see straight... Oh my God!"

The two ghosts had walked into the alley, and the sight before them was too horrific to describe on paper( er, computer screen). Falco was rocking back and forth in the fetal position, whistling the tune from "Hit me Baby One More Time." The second ghost turned around and threw up. Falco turned around and noticed the ghosts.

"Oh boy! The voices are back! Looky what I got today!"

Falco held up the severed head of Princess Peach, her face forever frozen in a visage of horror. The second ghost felt his eight triple shots coming back up.

At the Unknown World...

"E...enough of... this...crap!..."

The third ghost had picked up the L'Shape and floated up as high as his endurance would allow. He looked back down at the battlefield.

"Do you give up?" He yelled at the ground.

No response.

The ghost shrugged. "Well, it's off my conscious." he said as he let go of the L'Shape.

The L'Shape began to fall at a steady, if blocky, rate, making a beep sound every time he went down a notch. Slowly, but steadily, the L'Shape made it's way to the surface. Finally it reached the ground, crushing Player one from Pong. The third ghost made a little checkmark on his clipboard and sighed.

"Let's see... what's next?..."

His face contorted in horror as he received the answer to his question. He found it difficult to even voice the answer.

"D...Dr. Phil versus Mr. T!"

To be continued...

AN- I just realized that we passed the halfway mark a few chapters ago. Everyone, thank you for sticking with me through this ridiculous story. Upon it's completion, I will be writing a Smash Bros story that is a little more serious, more of an adventure story than a silly tournament. We shall see how it goes. I wasn't particularly thrilled with this chapter, but I felt like I wasn't going to get much better with this particular line up, and plus I felt I needed to get something out there. As you can tell, the plot is thickening a little. (There's a plot!) I promise there will be one or two surprises for you guys as we draw near the end of the tournament. After all, it's the least I can do for you guys for making you read this crap. Catch ya in a few! (Review, dammit!)

Next fight, Samus v Kirby!


	16. Kirby v Samus

AN- It's been a little while, I know. It's been a pain in the ass to get new chaps up with my fics for the past two weeks. Dunno why. Everyone is getting pretty riled up on the review page. It's entertaining to read, but I think everyone should relax a bit. It's just Smash Bros. A silly little crossover game that just happens to have an awesome lineup and awesome gameplay. Not exactly a game you buy for the plotline. We should all just take it a little easy, is all I'm saying. Ummmm…. If anyone likes Dr. Phil… they should probably just skip this chapter. Also, if you have any decency left in your soul after this story thus far, you may wish to save what is left and skip this chapter. I took right and wrong, threw it out the window, and replaced it with downright incorrect.

* * *

Somewhere in Oklahoma- Earth-1:00PM

Kirby skipped down a dirt road, lots of green grass growing on either side. The sun was shining down, and everything looked like it had a smile. Even the rocks and trees. The small puffball felt the mood called for a song.

"Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day!"

The trees and clouds seemed to come to life and singalong with him. It was like a ridiculous Disney movie. Kirby smiled. _Life sure is great when you find out you don't have ultrasyphalarangeditus... and an ear infection._ It had turned out that the whole disease was just a hoax to get Kirby to fight ...Leonardo Dicaprio, of all people. Kirby shrugged, determined not to let anything bring down his mood. He was going to live! What a wonderful...

Kirby's little Disney World came to a crashing halt, literally. A gigantic spacecraft smashed into the ground, plowing down several of his singing trees. "Oh what a beautiful day" cut off abruptly as Kirby and the clouds looked on in horror. Several twitting birds stopped their song and hovered above the exit of the ship.

The ship door opened, and out stepped an enraged Samus. She turned and looked at the hood of her vessel. It was belching thick black smoke. All of the smiling clouds lost their smiles very quickly. They went from being white to turning a deep black, and their smiles became deep frowns. They flew off, looking for someone to rain on. Samus was banging her head on the hood. She threw up her arms and screamed, "Mother fucker!" The birds twittering next to her fell out of the sky and died.

Kirby stared at the scene before him. The trees were dead, the birds had died, the clouds were polluted, the sun was blocked out by smog, and all the grass was destroyed. To top it off, Samus had began punching her ship, cursing like a sailor. Kirby's normally ambient smile faded into a disapproving frown. He reached into his pocket (?) and pulled out a strip of cloth, which he fastened onto his forehead (again?) in the form of a bandana. With a completely serious face, he slowly cracked his knuckles. "Yo." he said in a calm anger. (If anyone had read Terry Pratchet's book, Reaper Man, bonus points for you).

The ghosts pulled out of the engine room, lots of wires clutched in their hands. The second ghost shook his head.

"So, what now? Do we need to instigate Samus to fight?"

There were lots of muffled curses from outside. The two ghosts looked sheepish. The first ghost shrugged.

"Um... yea. She sounds pretty instigated already. I think we're done."

The ghost nodded in agreement and snuck out the back.

Outside the ship, things were starting to get heated up. Kirby shook a vengeful fist at the invading space fighter. Samus pressed a few buttons on her arm gun.

"All this, and now an attacking pink puffball? Can this day suck any more?"

In response, the cooling systems shut off on her armor. The inside of the armor began to heat up. Sweat formed on Samus' brow. "Dammit." she said softly. She pointed her gun arm at Kirby. "I have to deal with you quickly."

Kirby pulled out his mallet and dashed forward, pulling back the hammer for a spinning attack. Samus waited for the timing, and as Kirby swung his weapon, she dropped, sweeping out with her armored leg. The leg crashed into Kirby's puffy stomach, and knocked the wind out of the little hero. He skidded across the ground, spinning to a stop. He jumped up and rubbed his stomach. "Owie." His eyes narrowed, and he pulled out his sword.

"Final Cutter!" Kirby jumped high into the air, bringing the sword down heavily. The sword created a shockwave that ripped across the ground towards Samus. She went to jump, but a piston overheated in her knee joint. The wave washed over her, slamming her into her already damaged ship. Samus tried to get up, but the temperature was getting to be too much to bear.

Kirby dashed at the fallen Metroid hunter, his pink body bursting into flames. His flame dash ripped through her, triggering the overheat mechanism on her armor. Steam blew out from all the joints, and all the lights shut off on her armor. Kirby inched close, tensing himself for her counter attack. None came, and he tapped the prone figure with his sword. Nothing happened. From inside the armor, there was muffled swear words. Kirby kicked the armor over, made sure no one was looking, and ran off.

"I win! I win!" was heard echoing through the land as the little puffball from Pop Star continued on his way.

* * *

The first two ghosts sat at a McDonalds, quietly eating their small fries. The second ghost's stomach began to growl. "Man... I'm starved. Why can't we get something bigger than the small fry?"

The first ghost shook his head. _Soon... soon I will not have to put up with this nonsense. This tournament will make Nintendo millions! And then I will...! _

The first ghost's train of thought was cut off as a door slammed open. The third ghost came in, his face wearing a mask of pain and violation. His left eye had a slight twitch.

"What happened to you?"

The third ghost sat down, fell through the chair, and got back up. He shook his head, remembered he was a ghost, and hovered over the table. His personal world of anguish briefly halted as he gave his colleagues a questioning look.

"How are you guys eating? You're ghosts."

The second ghost glared. "Shut up, dude."

The third ghost's face of terror resumed. The first ghost tilted his head. "What's wrong?"

The third ghost shuddered. "I just got back from referring the Dr. Phil and Mr. T match."

"And?"

"Mr. T won. He... he used his famous finisher combo..."

The first ghost cringed. The second ghost gave a puzzled look. "Bloody, was it?"

The third ghost was practically weeping as he shook his head no. The first ghost, in a rare moment of sympathy, stepped in.

"No, blood he could handle. This is far worse. You never saw Mr. T back in his underground wrestling days?"

The second ghost shook his head.

"Well... he had a famous combo. It's what kept him from making it big."

"Did he kill his opponents or something?"

The first ghost winced in recollection. "No... but let's say the wrestler he did it to would have rather died. I can't believe he did it to Dr. Phil..."

"Well? What was the combo?"

The first ghost hesitated. "You sure you want to know?"

Whenever someone asks you if you are sure you want to know, the answer is undoubtedly no. The second ghost knew this, but nodded anyway.

"All right... he starts with a kick to the stomach."

"Sounds normal enough."

"Just wait, it gets worse. Then, when they drop to their knees, he gives 'em... the Arabian Goggles."

"Oh my Go... wait, the what?"

The first ghost's eyes opened wide. "You mean, you don't know the Arabian Goggles?"

"No."

There was some hushed whispering. "You mean he...?" More whispering. "Uggh." More whispering. "And they allow this?" The first ghost nodded grimly.

"And that his big finisher? No wonder this dork is scarred." he commented as he pointed at the crying third ghost.

"That's not all. Then... then he gives em... he gives em, the... the..."

"Would you hurry up? Whats with all the '...'s ?"

The first ghost sighed. "Don't you have any sense of dramatics?"

The second ghost shrugged.

"Argh. Well, they was dramatic pauses, they were. You ruined it. Anyhow... he gives em, the Angry Pirate."

"The Angry...?"

"Pirate. Um. Lets just say... um. Well. You blast em in one of their eyes."

"What? With spit?"

"Umm... yea. sure. with... um... spit. And then, when they can't see out of the one eye, you kick em as hard as you can in the shins. Then they hop around on one foot with one eye closed screamin' "Arrrr Arrr Arrr".

The second ghost looked dumbfounded. "And that's it?"

A silent nod.

"I don't see why you guys are getting so worked up over it. That doesn't seem so bad. And that finishes fighters?"

"Some people never recover from the shame, and spend the rest of their lives in the hospital."

"The rest of their lives...?"

"About five minutes."

"Huh? It kills them?..."

"They commit suicide."

The third ghost finally looked up, with tears in his eyes. "Why? What was it all for?"

The first ghost shrugged a little akwardly. "Well, um..."

"WHY!"

"Geez...well, it was just a ruse."

"A...a what:Sob Sob:"

"Just a trick to get you to..."

"A trick...?"

"Look, it was just something to get you out of our hair."

The third ghost stared dumbfoundedly. The first ghost grinned nervously.

"You know... if we had hair?" he asked sheepishly. He shook his head and walked away slowly, followed closely by the second ghost.

The third ghost didn't move for a bit. His eye began to twitch violently, and he began to mutter to himself. "That's it... I'll show them... I'll show them all!" He barged out of the McDonalds and marched of to an unknown destination, not even stopping to see why a big crowd had formed across the street.

"Oh my God!" one of the people shouted. "Look at that man!"

Twenty stories up, a man was hanging by his neck out of a window. Dr. Phil swayed pleasantly in the breeze.

* * *

AN- Okay, another unholy chapter is completed. Yay. We are now halfway through the second round. All that is left is…

Luigi vs Donkey Kong

Gannondorf vs Ness

Marth vs Ice Climbers

The pickings are getting pretty slim! Stay tuned!

PS- Also, if you don't know what the Arabian Goggles or the Angry Pirate are, probably best not to ask. If you must know, email me and I'll let you know. You've been warned.


	17. luigi v Donkey kong

A wonderful meadow- The Mushroom Kingdom- 1:22PM

Luigi and Daisy were relaxing in a meadow, green and wonderful. Flowers swayed with the breeze, and there wasn't a cloud in sight. Luigi felt extremely nervous, and couldn't think of anything to say. _She looks so beautiful…_ He cleared his throat and tried to speak.

"For someone who is basically just a clone of Peach for Mario Party, you really are beautiful."

Daisy blinked, not quite sure if she had heard him right. Luigi smacked his forehead. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! _He shook his head and tried to fix his mistake. "Don't worry! You aren't nearly as ditzy as she is." He slapped his hands over his mouth, but the damage was done. Daisy was fuming, and it looked like she was about to explode. Luigi cringed, expecting the worst. His eyes closed and he tensed, but nothing happened. After several minutes of looking like a fool, he re-opened his eyes. There was no one there.

"Daisy?" Luigi frantically searched around. "I didn't mean it! Come back, Daisy!" Luigi glanced down and noticed a small note. He picked it up, ready for the terrible break up letter.

Lugigi… 

**I hve thee Princess…. Comme to the konstrucition sight ife u evr wante to see hur agian **

**Luv,**

**Dunkey Kong**

Luigi blinked several times, looking at the badly spelled note. It was written in crayon. "So, Donkey Kong is back to his old games, huh? Well… I'll show him!" Luigi puffed out his chest, preparing for action. "I'll get Mario!" and he set off.

* * *

Mario's Pad- The Mushroom Kingdom- 1:47PM

Luigi hung his head as he looked at the note on Mario's door.

**Out being a hero. Be back later.**

**Mario**

"Crap! Where the hell could Mario be?"

* * *

Games, Games, Games- The Mushroom Kingdom- 1:47 PM

"Hell yes! Take that, bastards! I am the man! Remember this face! I'm the damn man!" Mario muttered to himself as he slammed buttons and jerked around the joystick. He killed the main boss of "Bombs n' Death 7, Explosions throughout the ages", and threw his fists up into the air.

"Wahoo! I am the friggin man! I'm the hero!"

* * *

Link's little hut- Hyrule- 2:42 PM

Luigi slammed his fists onto the thick wood door of Link's house.

No response.

Luigi shook his head and sighed. "Link's not here either… Guess there's only one thing left to do…"

* * *

The Old Construction Site- Kong World- 2:55 PM

"You wait until Luigi gets here! He's gonna teach you a lesson! You let me go right now! I demand you let me out of these ropes right now!"

Donkey Kong shook his head. He didn't know exactly why he stole women. All they did was give him a headache. It was just a habit. Oh well. He shrugged and turned back to the girl. _I hope that plumber gets here soon…_

Suddenly, a voice rang out. "You better let her go, ape!"

A figure emerged from the shadows, clad in blue trousers and a red shirt. His hat was also red, but he was slightly taller than the normal red wearing hero.

Daisy raised an eyebrow. "L…Luigi?…"

Luigi's voice was shaking, but he tried to pull himself together. "Luigi! No! It is I, Mario!"

"Ook?" Donkey Kong gave Luigi a strange look.

Luigi pointed a finger at the ape. "I've beaten you before, and I'll beat you again! I'm-a Mario!"

Luigi jumped at Donkey Kong, throwing out several small fireballs at the large simian. DK tried to jump over them, but his heavy weight kept him from going high enough to dodge the attack. The ape was thrown back by the force of the fireballs, smashing into a bunch of stacked crates. Luigi looked at his hands in amazement.

"Wow! I really can do this! Wahoo!" He jumped up in to the air, coming down on Donkey Kong's head. Donkey Kong growled, bringing his hand up and grabbing Luigi by the throat, squeezing the air out of his lungs. The plumber was thrown to the ground and he rolled around, trying to regain his breath. He barely managed to avoid a stomp as the monkey tried to pound the cowardly Mario Brother into the cement. Luigi jumped up and took a second to compose himself. "Mama Mia…" he whispered to himself out of habit.

"Luigi! Look out!" Daisy's yell pulled Luigi out of his trance, and he just managed to roll out of the way of a charged punch from his opponent. Donkey Kong didn't let up there, however, bringing several quick jabs up right behind the plumber as he retreated to safety.

"Daisy!" Luigi yelled, running towards where DK had left her, tied to a pole. Right as he got to her, two hands clapped together on either side of his head. Donkey Kong laughed as he grabbed the princess, leaving the dizzy plumber behind.

"Luigi!" Daisy yelled as she was dragged off by the large ape. Luigi regained his senses just in time to see Donkey Kong climb up a large scaffolding, the reluctant princess in tow. DK reached the top of the shaky structure and beat his chest with his arms, Daisy screaming defiance the entire time. _Just like that movie I saw…_ thought Donkey Kong. _Old uncle King Kong would be so proud…_

Luigi began to run up the red beams, determined to stop the evil tie wearing monkey once and for all. Donkey Kong noticed his accent, however, and began to launch large barrels at him from his vantage point. Luigi looked around madly, hoping to find something he could use to retaliate. Sure enough, lying off to the side was a discarded hammer. Luigi scooped it up, and began to swing it around wildly in a protective arc as he charged forward. One of the barrels came rolling towards him, and he stopped, timing his hammer strike perfectly….

WHAM! While he was setting up his defense, the barrel rolled into him, causing him to double over the barrel, getting swept up in his momentum. Just as it always manages to do in these cartoony situations, there was a moment of blurred struggle, which ended up with Luigi on top of the barrel, feet pumping rapidly as he managed to barely keep his balance, riding it as he would some sort of spinning log.

"Waaahhhhhh!" he yelled as he spun out of control, his hammer still flailing around in his hands. The mallet struck out, smashing into a support beam. There was a loud creaking groan, and Donkey Kong ducked under his arms as the entire structure began to tilt and collapse. All of the support beams caved in on themselves, and the ensuing crash sent up a gigantic dust cloud. Once the dust had cleared, the single barrel rolled out of the wreckage, completely unharmed. Luigi pulled himself out from under the rubble, reached back in and managed to retrieve Daisy. They went to leave, when there was a maddening roar from under a beam. Donkey Kong thrust the beam off of him, fire in his eyes. He lifted up a barrel, and instead of launching it at the plumber, he began to chase him, and remembering the lesson he had been taught by Mario, attempted to bludgeon him with it instead.

"Waaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Luigi yelled again as he was chased back and forth by the enraged ape.

Donkey Kong cornered the small plumber, bringing his hands out to grab his prey. Luigi closed his eyes, and swung his fist upwards. There was an intake of air as Luigi's fist connected with Donkey Kong's exposed ribs, and an explosion of fire. Donkey Kong was sent flying into the air, and he became nothing more than a tiny twinkle in the sky as he flew off.

Luigi wiped his brow, and turned towards where Daisy was watching. She ran up to him, a look of determination on her face. Luigi smiled and closed his eyes, opening his arms and awaiting his reward.

WHACK!

Daisy smacked Luigi, leaving a bright red hand print across his face. "I'm not done with you yet, mister! That monkey changes nothing! How dare you compare me to Peach! We are too separate people, and we demand…" Daisy droned on with her lecture. Luigi rubbed his hand over the mark on his face, staring longingly into the sky where Donkey Kong had disappeared. _I was probably better off with the ape…_ he thought as Daisy continued to yell throughout the night.

* * *

AN- I'm really sorry to anyone who has been awaiting this chapter. I've been so overworked with school and work, and all of my free time got devoured working on my new megahit, my Dragonball Z story. I also wanted to wait for all the nonsense going on to die down. The Super Smash Bros. Video game has no storyline, no character development, and no emotional attachment. I find it so silly that people get so worked up over this game. It's a lot of fun, and I love playing it, but no one should care about it this much. This story is just for fun. I'm just writing silly stories about some silly characters. It's nothing serious, but people are taking it way too seriously. Relax, people. Ah well. If you are looking for something serious, take a look at some of my other stories. I put my heart into my street fighter story, and I get little reaction. But I put up something silly, and everyone has to start yelling. Eh. Just a little rant, don't mind me. If you have any sort of constructive criticism, or if you would like to tell me you enjoyed the chapter, feel free to leave me a review. But if you want to start arguing or yelling, or you want to tell me I haven't portrayed the canon of the game right, don't bother. I'll keep saying, this isn't a story to be taken incredibly seriously. It's just for a few laughs. Eh, I digress. Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll have another chapter up soon, I swear. 


	18. gannon v ness

Onett- Earth- 11:46 PM

BLAM! Ness nearly fell out of his bed as his entire house shook. He ran to the window, and saw cop cars flying off toward the top of the incredibly small Onett Mountain. He quickly changed out of his pajamas and scooped up a wiffle ball bat from his sister's room. Halfway to the front door, his mother came out of her room.

"Ness, where are you going?"

Ness scratched the back of his head, an embarrassed grin on his face. "Umm… nowhere?"

His mother placed her hands on her hips, giving her son a look of frustration. "Now Ness, I thought we decided you weren't going to go on any more quests?…"

Ness looked at the ground sheepishly. "Um. Yea, I know… but there was a loud crash…. And … well…"

His mother shook her head. "But what about school? You can't keep missing school just to go save the world! Finals are in a week!"

"But mom!…"

"No buts, mister! You march right back up to your room and get to sleep!"

Ness hung his head, slunking up the stairs. _Its not fair… I'm the only one who can save the world… why is school so important?…_

There was a very faint knocking on the door. Ness's mother opened it, and saw a small fly buzzing around, trying to get her attention.

"Oh no you don't. Not this time, mister!" She rolled up a newspaper and swatted Buzz Buzz, killing the small insect on the spot. She crossed her arms and nodded in approval to herself. "No mystic quest will get in the way of my son's education. Last time this happened, he had to repeat the third grade!"

Gannondorf's castle- Hyrule- 3:57 AM

Gannon growled as he continued to attack the punching bag chained to the ceiling in his chambers. The walls were dark and bleak, made of brick and covered with Slipknot posters. His bed was made of rock, with midnight black sheets and a small teddy bear with a disgruntled attitude. The punching bag was outfitted with a small red baseball cap on the top, and a drawing of a face on the center. The eyes were crossed and the tongue was sticking out. The words "Stupid hero kid" were scribbled above the visage. Gannon wound up another warlock punch, knocking the bag off of his chains and sending it flying into his collection of bongs. Disgusting bong water spilt all over the floor.

"Dammit… that smell never comes out!" Gannon whined. He looked at his clock and growled. "Where the hell is this kid? He was destined to be here hours ago!"

"We have run into a small snag, I'm afraid."

Gannon spun around, his eyes ablaze in anger. "What do you mean?" Ghost 1 floated through the wall, and hung his head.

"The child of destiny will not be coming. I sent my associate, Ghost 2, to begin the quest, disguised as a small fly, just as with the child's previous quest. But there was one factor we did not count on."

The dark wizard cocked his head to the side. _Something that could kill a ghost? What sort of creature are we dealing with?…_

The first ghost shuddered. "His mother."

Gannon's eyes lit up in terror. "Holy hell! His mother! What the crap is that! Link never had a mother! All heroes are supposed to be orphans, so that this sort of thing doesn't happen! Mothers get in the way!"

"Indeed. But I'm afraid fate has stepped in the way. Unless we can come up with a way to get around this mother, I'm fresh out of options."

Gannon punched his fist into his other hand and smiled. "I haven't had a good match now that both Links were defeated in the tournament. I won't let any mother get in the way of my plans!"

There was a loud knocking on the door, and it was opened with quite a bit of force. Someone who looked exactly like Gannon, except with lipstick and an apron, put her hands on her hips and sighed.

"Now Gannon, what are you doing up so late?" She sniffed the air. "Have you been smoking in here again!"

Gannon's fierce attitude instantly vanished and he hung his head. "No mom…" His voice was soft and quivering.

"Then what is that smell, young man?"

"I'm thirty seven, mom."

Her eyes flared up. "What did you say!"

His head dropped in anguish. "nuthin, mom."

"You're damn right!" She pulled out a rolling pin and cracked it over his head.

Gannon fell to the ground, and his mother pulled another pin out form seemingly nowhere.

"Now, we'll have no more of this staying up late listening to that rock music. Tomorrow, I want you to go out and find a job!"

Gannon propped himself up on his elbows, still dizzy from the rolling pin. "But mom…"

"No buts, young man! If you don't have a job, I won't make you your eggy-weggys any more!"

Gannon's eyes grew red, and it looked like there were tears forming. The first ghost shook his head._ This has to be a dream… or something…_

"No… no more eggy-weggys?"

His mother crossed her arms, a glare of doom emanating off of them. Gannon's upper lip began to quiver.

"What about the little toast soldiers?… so I can dip them?…"

"Not unless you get a job!"

With that, his mother slammed the door behind her, knocking a picture frame off of the wall. Gannon looked down at the cracked picture on the floor. It was a picture of him in high school. He had large thick glasses, braces, and his face had even more pimples than it did now. The caption under the picture said , "Least Likely to Succeed… In anything."

Gannon threw the picture back to the ground and let out a long drawn out sigh. "Man, maybe they were right. I'll never get anywhere the way I am now. I'll always be a loser…"

The first ghost went to pat him on the shoulder, but the hand just went through him. _I can't believe I'm doing this…_ he lamented. _This is supposed to be Gannon! Dark mage of doom! His mother is worse than he is!… Although I suppose he needed to get it from somewhere…_

"Listen Gannon. If you that kid won't come here, we'll have to go to him. It'll be a long and perilous journey, but it needs to be done."

Gannon nodded quietly, still looking at the ground. "Is it okay if I get some sleep first? I get cranky if I don't sleep…"

The ghost hung his head. _This is gonna be a long night…_

Onett- Earth-8:24 AM

Ness checked both directions. No one in sight. This would be the most difficult thing he had ever done in his life. He had faced down aliens before. He had fought against the entire police force of his town. He had single handedly saved the world. But this… this was something in a league of its own.

He was gonna ditch the bus.

The small hero froze up as his mom drove past him, on her way to work. He managed a small wave as she passed with a nervous grin. _Almost busted…_ he thought as she drove around the corner. Once he was certain she was out of range, he turned the other way and bolted. He ran on and on, running on nothing more than pure adrenaline as he made his way to Onett mountain. Nothing had ever been as exhilarating as this.

Onett Mountain- Earth- 8:46AM

Gannon stood on the top of the mountain, inspecting a small crater. A burned out comet lay in the hole, but there was no other clues as to what had transpired. The ghost had explained to him that this was where Buzz Buzz had landed and attempted communications with Ness. Gannon shook his head. He was gonna kick the hell out of this little destiny kid once and for all.

"Who the hell are you? This area has been marked off!"

Gannon spun around, and standing there was the Onett city police force. The captain walked up to Gannon and poked him in the chest.

"Did you miss the caution tape or what? This is a restricted zone!" he looked Gannon up and down with a sneer on his face. "And what's with the getup? That, my friend, is a pretty shabby looking cape."

A sergeant sidled up behind him, sweat forming on his face. "I don't know about this sir, he looks pretty powerful. Maybe we shouldn't tick him off."

The captain threw his head back with a hearty laugh. "Nonsense! The Onett police department is invincible!"

The sergeant scratched his head. "Umm… you said that last time, and we all got beat up by an 8 year old with a wiffle ball bat, remember?"

The captain's smile faded, and he gave his sergeant a sneer. "That was different."

The sergeant gulped nervously. "Um, how so, sir?"

Captain Strong grinned. "Well, obviously, _sergeant,_ this isn't an 8 year old with a bat. It's just some freak with a cape. We can't lose!"

The officer jumped into the air, bringing his fist back in a scary looking maneuver he had seen once in an anime. Gannon looked up, waited for him to get close, and swung both of his feet out in a double upward kick. Both hits connected, sending Captain Strong off into the distance, where he became a twinkle in the sky. The rest of the police officers, in some ways smarter than their commanding officer, all backed up. Gannon cracked his neck, flashing them all a toothy grin.

"Who's next?"

"I am!"

Gannon spun around, and standing on the summit of the mountain was none other than the eight year old wonder, Ness. He pulled out his Casey bat and jumped down from his perch.

"You wish to destroy this world! I'm here to stop you!"

Gannon pulled back his fist, charging up his dark energy for a warlock punch. Ness cocked back his bat, preparing for a home run smash. All of the cops cringed in fear. There he was! That damn eight year old!

Suddenly a voice rang out, stopping all the action in its tracks. "What do you think you are doing, Ness?"

Ness's eyes went white. The voice of terror incarnate was ringing in his ears. He turned around slowly, and standing there was his mother. Her eyes betrayed a deep anger. "You were supposed to be at school!"

Ness backed up against a rock, his voice wavering as he spoke. "I know, mom… I just… umm…."

As most mothers do when faced with delinquency in their children, the first thing she did was search for something to blame. Her gaze came to rest with the confused form of Gannondorf.

"This is your fault, isn't it? I bet you've convinced him to hang out with you during school and get high!"

Gannon's eyes lit up at the sound of the phrase 'get high'. His good mood was quickly destroyed, however, when another voice shot through the summit.

"Are you blaming your hoodlum son's behavior on my boy!"

Gannon cringed in dread as his mother came up the path, her trusty rolling pin in hand as she prepared to hand out some unholy justice.

"Just because you can't keep your son in school, don't blame my son! He graduated from elementary school over five years ago!"

Gannon hung his head in shame. "Mom…"

"Quiet you! When I get you home, I'm gonna drop you over my knee and …"

Gannon went red in the face as the remaining cops and Ness began to snigger. But the clash of the mothers was just beginning. Ness's mom dashed forward, throwing out a kick with her high heel shoe. Gannon's mother jumped into the air, avoiding the blow and spinning around her rolling pin, catching Ness's mom in the side of the head. She fell back a bit , taking a moment to regain her balance. Before she could mount an offensive, Gannon's mom pulled back her rolling pin, charging her dark energy into the deadly kitchen accessory. Ness's mother rolled to the side, but as she came up, she was met with a warlock… um… pin. (Instead of punch). The blast sent Ness's mom flying through the air. Gannon punched the air in victory and turned to Ness.

"Ha! My mom just killed your mom! How do you like that?"

Ness pulled out his bat and slammed it into Gannon's kneecaps. Gannon grabbed his knee and bent over. "Dammit, you little bastard!"

Ness smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well. So my mom died. Now I can go home and play video games. Sweet!"

Ness skipped off, whistling a tune as he went.

Gannon's mother turned to him with a stern look on his face. "I thought you were supposed to be looking for a job, young man!"

Gannon hung his head and mumbled, "yes'm."

"But instead I find you running around with your little friends!"

"yes'm"

Gannon's mother grabbed him by his ear and began pulling him away. "Its those stupid fanfiction stories you read on the computer! I knew those things were no good! That damn Gadoken King! I read that crap you look at on that internet! With those poor pokey man!"

"Pokemon, mom."

"That's what I said! Pokey man! That mean person kills all those pokey man! You better not be running around killing pokey man! Do you!"

"no'm"

As Gannon and his mother left the mountain, a faint whistling sound could be heard. It got louder and louder, and a cry of "iiiichhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" ripped through the air as the small Pichu crashed into the ground from above, burn marks across his fur. (Remember what happened to it during chapter 10? If not, go check.)

The first ghost appeared, shaking his head at the pathetic display he had seen. "Man… no one is gonna like this crap… Mr. Tiyamato is gonna be pissed. I mean, mothers fighting? Who writes this stuff? Who the hell even won?…" He sighed, collecting his thoughts. He pulled out a clipboard and shook his head. "I guess we'll give this one to Gannondorf, seeing as how his mom was stronger. I just hope the next match will go smoother. Who do we have…. Oh, crap. Marth and the Ice Climbers. This should be a treat." He hung his head and floated off, preparing himself for the barrage of flames that were sure to come after such an idiotic chapter.

A random bar- The Mushroom Kingdom – 3:00AM

The third ghost was drowning his sorrows, and was doing a good job of it, judging from the thirty seven empty glasses piled up next to him on the bar. He let out a hiccup, and his head smashed into the bar. The drunk next to him lifted up his head and laughed incoherently.

"How are you drunk?… you're just a dumb ghost…."

The ghost lifted his head shakily. "Hey! You can't call me a ghost! That's sexist!…"

The drunk furrowed his brow. "No, I don't think so. I mean, look. Your drinks are just falling through your transparent stomach and making a puddle on the floor."

The third ghost grabbed at the drunk's neck, but his hands went through and he almost fell. "How do you know I haven't just wet myself!"

The drunk shrugged. The drunk's figure finally began to come into focus, and the ghost made out his face.

"Bowser!"

Bowser nodded sadly. "I didn't think anyone knew who I was anymore."

"No way, man! I was there when you beat that Pokemon, and when you went up against Mario…." He trailed off as he realized his mistake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories…."

Bowser shook his head, staring sadly into his drink. "No, its okay. I lost. So you're one of those ghosts who are doing this tournament, huh? Tell me, why is this tournament happening, anyway?"

The third ghost laughed softly to himself. "Well, the first ghost was under direct orders from President Tiyamato. Apparently, the console wars have gotten out of hand, and Nintendo needs some money to keep up with the Playstation 3. So he hoped to increase popularity by having us conduct this tournament."

Bowser nodded sagely. "Aha… I see. So what are you doing here?"

The third ghost hung his head. "I got kicked out of the group. They thought I was too dumb… I wish I could get back at those jerks…"

"And I wish I could get back at them for making a fool of me…"

The third ghost suddenly jumped up. He had an idea. It was a strange sensation in his head, but he wasn't going to let it escape.

"I've got an idea!" he shouted, completely ruining the narration by repeating what the narrator just said.

Bowser slammed down the rest of his vodka and gave his new conspirator a toothy grin. "I'm all ears, buddy…"

AN- Oh no! What horrible deeds will the third ghost and Bowser cook up? How will the Marth and Ice Climbers fight go? Will Gannon ever find a job? Find out the answers to these questions and more in the next installment of The Ultimate Battle, which I'll put up just as soon as I get like 7 or 8 more ridiculous reviews telling me my story is unappreciated!

Eh, don't take that the wrong way. I don't actually care. Bring em on. Like some stupid person said, any publicity is good publicity. Peace! (If you can't tell, I'm at a numb point where I honestly don't care. There are several people who enjoy this fic, and I won't leave them hanging for updates. I do what I can.)


	19. Marth v Ice Climbers

AN- Hello, everyone! Time for another update, albeit an incredibly short one. Just didn't have many ideas for this chapter, and I figured what I did was bad enough without stretching it out. I don't own Spencer's, and I definitely am not affiliated with the Neverland Ranch. Enjoy the show.

* * *

The Mall- Nintendoverse- 2:42 PM 

Marth groaned as he walked past the troves of people looking to buy merchandise. Everyone seemed to be wearing some sort of Roy memorabilia, he noticed. _No one ever liked me…_he lamented. _Maybe it's because I wear this tiara…_

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. _I can't get distracted. I'm here on a mission! The boss needs some new recruits!…_

Marth continued his search, attempting to find the perfect 'recruits'. His boss was very specific, and Marth had been picked for his similar tastes. But now that the media had blabbed, it was getting harder and harder to find candidates. Once the words "Neverland ranch" were mentioned, most children went running.

* * *

Further down, closer to Spencer's…- 2:45 PM 

"Why do you hate me?"

Popo shook his head. "Why don't you get it? I hate you because you are a total waste of life. There are fine people in this world, myself included, and all you do is use up our air!"

Nana sighed. "I just don't understand you, Popo…"

Popo threw his hands up in frustration. "What's not to get! I… hate…. you! It's friggin simple!"

Nana hung her head as they continued on. "There you go, playing hard to get again…"

"I'm not playing hard to get! I just don't want to have anything to do with you!"

"Why do you deny your innermost feelings?"

"Because I'd get arrested if I killed you!"

With that final statement, Popo trudged on, his arms crossed in anger. Nana rushed to keep up with his increasing pace. The blue Eskimo was walking so fast, however, he failed to see where he was going and crashed into another mall patron.

"Ow! You dumb fuck!" Popo got up, felt the back of his neck and moaned. "I feel whiplash coming on…. I don't want to say lawsuit just yet… but, you are insured, right?"

Marth looked at the two Ice Climbers and let out a shrill cry.

"Ooooohhhh my god! You two are just so adorable! And you can't be a day over eight! That's perfect! And those parkas are just sooooo cute!"

Popo blinked several times, unsure of how to respond. Nana stepped in between them and smiled.

"Why thank you very much. I made them both."

Marth put his hands to his mouth and took in a sharp breath. "And they talk! How delicious! Michae…. I mean, the boss would absolutely love them!"

Popo tilted his head to one side. "Who? Did you just say Michael?"

Marth threw up his hands. "Shhh! No! I didn't! Do you want the author to get sued!"

Popo scratched his head. "Author? Sued? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nevermind! Forget I said anything!" Marth pulled out a big candy lollipop. "Would you like some candy?"

Nana grabbed the candy and jumped for joy. "I love candy!"

Marth rubbed his hands together deviously and smiled. "Well, there is plenty of candy back where I'm from."

Popo gave him a cynical glare. "And where, pray tell, would that be, fruity?"

"It's a little place called the Neverland ranch."

Popo shook his head and turned to the audience. (i.e.- you). "So we can't say Michael, but we can say Neverland ranch? What the shit sort of sense does that make?"

Popo pulled out his mallet and growled. "There is no friggin way you would get me up to that crazy place!"

Marth drew his sword and frowned. "This has been looked down upon lately, but I AM willing to take you by force, if necessary!"

Popo looked around wildly in panic. "Where the hell are the police when you need them?"

* * *

Back on Onett mountain- 2:50 PM 

Captain Strong lay on the ground still, dazed and bruised. "Damn that caped weirdo…"

* * *

The Mall- 2:50 PM 

Marth lunged at the climbing duo, intent at bringing them in for the pleasure of his 'boss'. His sword caught a bit of Nana's parka and ripped. Marth silently chided himself. _These two are no good to the boss dead…_

Popo grabbed Nana, cocked back, and threw her at his would-be captor. Nana's head caught Marth in the chin, knocking him backwards. He went to grab at her, but instead caught a mallet to the face.

The agent of evil stumbled backwards, clutching at his face. Before he could recover, the two Ice Climbers both jumped at him, spinning around each other, both of their mallets drawn. The barrage of strikes came fast and furiously, and there was no chance for a counter attack.

Marth fell back, a trickle of blood running down his lips. Aforesaid lips twisted into a frown, and he threw out a fist, stopping Popo dead in his tracks and sending him flying back into a trash can. Nana turned around, worried about her partner.

"Popo!"

Popo struggled out of the can. "Calm down, bitch. I'm fine." He peeled off a banana peel and shook himself off.

Marth growled. _Obviously the candy ploy didn't work… the forcible way hasn't worked…I guess I'll try things the boss's way…_

He turned to Popo. "How much would it take for you to come with us?"

Popo's eyes glinted. "Money? Now you're talking my language!"

Marth nodded to himself. _He's game._ "I'll give you eighty dollars for your little friend."

Nana threw out her hands in a defiant gesture. "Popo would never give in to an evil…"

"Eighty it is." Popo interjected. "Let's see the green."

Marth pulled out a small wad of cash and grinned. "Its been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Eskimo."

Marth grabbed the unwilling Nana and ran off, laughing manically. Popo smiled at no one in general and began skipping toward the liquor store, singing the vodka song. (If you've ever drank too much, you should know the song.)

* * *

An uncomfortable half hour later… 

"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!" Marth cried as Nana rolled into a ball, covering her exposed skin with her arms, her face locked in an embarrassed blush.

Marth spun around, his face equally red. "You're a…. girl!"

Nana growled as she retrieved her clothes. "Didn't the pink give it away!" She asked, waving her pink parka in his direction.

Marth gave her an odd look. "Pink? What does that have to do with anything?" He pointed to the side.

Roy was strutting around, flaunting his new pink robe.

Nana shook her head in disgust. "Point taken."

Marth scooped her up, sighed, and tossed her into the compactor. There was a brief scream, followed by a quick burst of blood. He shrugged to himself, shook his head and walked off. "Damn, I wasted eighty bucks…. I mean, what the hell would the boss want with a girl!"

* * *

That night…. 

The first ghost prodded his way into Popo's room, his nose scrunching up in disgust. The room reeked of liquor. In the corner of the room, Popo lay on the floor, bubbles forming in his mouth as he snored loudly.

"So who the hell won, then?" The ghost wondered to himself. "We need a definite winner to move on…"

He poked the passed out Ice Climber and sighed. "Listen to me… if you can say 'I win', then you get to move on."

Popo rolled over, muttered "More gin." And farted. The first ghost shook his head. _Its so hard to find worthy competitors nowadays… _He pulled out a clipboard and made a note. "Looks like Marth moves on…"

* * *

AN- I told you this one would be short. I couldn't think of much for this one, so I just wanted to get it out of the way. Even though it was shorter, I felt I packed in enough sick humor for more than a normal person's chapter, so you all still win. If… sick humor is your thing…. Ahem. Anyhow. With this match completed, we have also finished the second round. Wahoo! The semi finalists are as follows! 

Mario v Falco

Kirby v Luigi

Gannon v Marth

Hope everyone is excited. And someone said I was going numb. Not quite true. It's just my particular style of self depreciative humor. Don't worry. I still plan on seeing this one through till the end! Stay tuned!


	20. Mario v Falco

AN- Yep, I didn't die. I've just been stuck on this chapter. I couldn't think of anything to throw in here. But I'm back now, so yay. We are down to the last six fighters, if everyone remembers.

Mario v Falco

Luigi v Kirby

Marth v Gannon

Exciting stuff, huh? Well, I hope so. I won't bore you with too long an author's note, but I would like to just say a few things. First off, I have a newsletter that I do now. Once a week, I send out a newsletter to let everyone know what's going on with my fanfiction. I also throw out ideas if I'm stuck, so people can respond. If you would like to be added to the mailing list, please leave your name and email in a review so I know where to send it to.

Second thing, I am going to try to learn flash, so I can import this story into short flash animation films using sprites. If anyone has any proficiency in this filed, please let me know so I might ask you some questions. Or if anyone knows of any good tutorial sites, that would also help.

Lastly, I am going to be posting several comics of mine online soon, a few originals, as well as maybe some Nintendo ones and some Dragonball Z ones. If interested, please let me know, though once it is online I will post the website here for everyone to see.

I think that covers everything. It is probably time to start the show, eh?

* * *

Mario's Pad- The Mushroom Kingdom- 8:33PM

Mario sighed, deeply satisfied by the evening's meal. He plopped himself down on the couch and patted his stomach.

Luigi walked in, a stern look on his face. "Mario! Aren't you gonna help clean the dishes?"

Mario shook his head as he reached for the television remote. "No, I don't think I am."

Luigi growled softly as he began to wipe a glass with his dishrag. "How you became a hero I'll never know…"

Mario shrugged. "Maybe it's because I… oh, I don't know, beat Bowser and saved the Princess?"

Luigi shook his head as he turned to head back into the kitchen. As Mario hit the power button on the remote, the voice of the local news anchor flooded into the room.

"This just in, local authorities have found the slaughtered and headless body of Mushroom Kingdom's own beloved Princess Peach Toadstool. The culprit has been named, but as of yet, has not been apprehended." The television flashed a picture of Falco, a crazed look across his face. "Eyewitnesses say this bird is the murderer, but all attempts at capturing him have ended in failure thus far. In light of this new tragedy, the question on everyone's mind is, 'Where is Mario?'"

The news report suddenly flashed off, and an image of Bugs Bunny filled the screen. Luigi stared at his brother in disbelief as the Italian plumber began laughing loudly at the antics of the animated rabbit.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Mario looked up from his cartoons with frown. "What do you mean? I'm watching Looney Tunes!"

"But what about the princess?"

Mario shrugged. "What about her? She's dead. Weren't you paying attention?"

"But wasn't she your girlfriend?"

The hero in red shook his head. "Nah, I just had sex with her a lot."

Luigi raised an eyebrow. "And what, exactly, was the difference?"

Mario sat back, resting his head on the cushions of the couch. "The difference? If she were my girlfriend, I woulda had to buy her presents."

Luigi nodded sagely as he went to put his boots on. "Women, huh?"

Mario bit back a chuckle. Luigi glared at his older brother. "What?"

Mario tried his hardest not to smile. "What would you know about women?"

Luigi's face went as red as Mario's hat. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The last hero smiled as he turned back to his show. "Nothing. Forget it."

Luigi growled under his breath. "What? That wasn't nothing!"

"Oh yeah? Enlighten me. What experience do you have with women?"

"What about Daisy?"

Mario nearly choked on his spit as he exploded with laughter. "You haven't slept with Daisy!"

Luigi's eyes narrowed and his hands clenched into fists. "Yes I have!"

Mario's laughter died down a bit as he saw his brother's serious face. "Really?"

Luigi nodded.

Mario grinned as he got up and slapped Luigi on the back. "She's a hell of a lay, isn't she?"

Luigi's jaw dropped in shock. "You didn't…"

Mario sat back down on the couch and grinned. "I saved her from those aliens way back in the day. That's the standard fee for a princess rescue. On the plane on the way back."

Luigi grabbed his wallet, trying to hide the indignation on his face. _How come he gets everything first…? _"Whatever. I have to run to the store and get some shopping done. We'll talk later."

The sound of a door being slammed with unnecessary roughness echoed throughout the house as Luigi stormed off. Mario leaned back as he went back to watching television.

* * *

Town Square- The Mushroom Kingdom- 8:45 PM

_What's going on? Why are goblins chasing me?_ Falco ran frantically through the streets of the Mushroom Kingdom, knocking down innocent bystanders as he fled. Everything seemed nothing more than a psychedelic blur to him as he viewed the world through his overdosed mind. Too many pills had stripped away reality itself, leaving the bird's overactive imagination in charge. Several guard toads had been chasing him through the town, but his erratic manner caused them to keep their distance. They found themselves hoping Mario would show up soon.

Falco stumbled past a pair of stunned toads, spinning around a corner and crashing into someone carrying a bunch of groceries. The groceries fell from the bag, creating a huge mess over the person who had dropped them. Falco managed to pull himself up, quickly looking both ways before sprinting off into the distance.

The pursing toad guards stopped near the pile of destroyed goods and frowned. From under the heap of food, muffled Italian cursewords could be heard. They pulled off a bunch of broken eggs to find Luigi's angered face, covered in egg goop.

One of the toads shook his head in disappointment. "We almost had him, but you let him slip through your fingers… Why couldn't you have gotten Mario to come get him?"

Luigi hung his head, mentally cursing the day he was born.

* * *

Mario's Pad- The Mushroom Kingdom- 9:00PM

Mario's laughs slowly died away as he turned off the TV. "Man, I love cartoons…" He hoisted himself out of the couch, slowly making his way towards the kitchen for a snack. He stopped in abject horror as he stepped into the kitchen, however.

Falco looked up, completely covered in food. Mayonnaise was smeared all over his body, bits of tomato hung from his beak, and a whole glazed ham was sticking out of his sleeve. With wide, twitching eyes, he turned to Mario and gave him a shaky smile.

"If you disguise yourself, the goblins won't get you." Falco said matter of factly, turning back to the refrigerator, pulling out a bowl of leftover spaghetti.

Mario stood stunned for a moment, unsure of exactly how to react. He quickly found out he didn't have to, however, as the bird dumped the spaghetti over his head, and seemingly satisfied, got up and walked over to the plump Italian.

"Are you mad? If you don't hurry up, they'll get you! Quickly, man! Use the ranch dressing!" Falco ripped the top off of a bottle of dressing and poured it on Mario's head.

Mario wiped away the ranch from his eyes, and for the first time got a good look at the food man. _Minus the spaghetti and the ham, he kinda looks like… hey!_

"You're the guy they're looking for! You killed Peach!"

Falco looked up with a fearful expression. "You're with them, aren't you?" Falco tried to get a good look at him, and shook his head. He jumped backwards and pointed an shaking accusing finger.

"You're their king! The king of the goblins!"

Mario cocked his head to one side, ranch dripping off of his hat. Falco rushed forward, throwing out a kick in self defense. Mario barely had time to roll out of the way, spaghetti sauce and ranch dressing falling all over the kitchen. But Falco continued his crazed assault, pulling out his blaster and firing at random.

Several bolts hit into the walls, shattering dishes and glasses. One came right at Mario, but he whipped out his cape, smacking the energy blast and knocking it back toward the insane bird, knocking the gun out of his hands.

With a deft movement contrary to his size, Mario dove at Falco, wrestling him down and pinning him to the ground. Falco struggled for a minute, and then suddenly stopped, closing his eyes.

From out of nowhere, Falco's energy expanded, creating an aura of fire around him. With Mario still clinging to him, he shot up into the air, breaking through the ceiling and landing on the roof. They both prepared for another round when the sound of an afterburner startled them.

"Falco!"

Falco looked up in surprise to find an Arwing hovering slightly above Mario's pad. Peppy stuck his head out and smiled at his friend.

"Falco, it's me, Peppy! Listen, me and the guys have been talking…"

Mario scratched his chin as he watched the unfolding scene with morbid curiosity.

Falco threw his wings up in the air. "Can this what? I have to beat the King of the Goblins!"

Peppy looked at Mario and gave him a sheepish wave. "Um, sorry about this… He just isn't well."

Mario nodded. "I can tell!"

Peppy turned back to Falco and reached out with his hand. "Come with me, Falco. You have a problem."

"I know! These damn Goblins keep trying to kill me! Use the lasers on the Arwing!"

Peppy's hand touched Falco's, and he grasped at his feathers. "Please, friend! We can help you!"

Falco looked at his friend, seeming to be contemplating something. "Well… can I use the radio?"

Peppy nodded, but inside he was crushed. _This means more of that Britney Spears… damn it to hell…_

Falco jumped into the Arwing and waved at Mario. "Later, Goblin King!" He turned to Peppy. "So, where are we going?"

Peppy shook his head as they took off. "A little place called Shady Acres. You'll love it there. Everyone there is very nice, and they'll help you get better."

As they flew off, the last thing Mario heard was Falco's voice. "Sweet. Will there be cookies?"

There was a bit of silence as Mario sat and contemplated what had just occurred. Suddenly, the sound of a door slamming reverberated in the air. Mario heard the sound of air being intaken in shock.

"What the hell happened to my kitchen?" Luigi's voice wailed.

Mario's eyes went wide as he stared off into the distance. A small curse escaped his lips.

"Fuck."

* * *

AN- There you guys go! Another new chapter, finally! Sorry it took so long, but I think this chapter was worth it. I actually laughed several times while writing this one, and that doesn't normally happen. Hope you all enjoy! And just in case it wasn't obvious enough, Falco is now institutionalized, so Mario wins!

Mario v Falco (Mario wins!)

Luigi v Kirby (Next time!)

Gannon v Marth (No witty comments to insert here!)


	21. Kirby v Luigi

AN- Wow! Two chapters out in less than a three month span! It must be a new record! Well, wahoo. I wouldn't get used to it if I was you guys. But who knows? I may even surprise myself!

* * *

Outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom- 10:57 AM

Luigi sighed as he sat down on an old tree stump. He had calmed down considerably since he had seen his destroyed kitchen. He decided what he needed to do was spend the day out in nature as a sort of meditation. The green Mario brother always found himself at home in the outdoors, even if everything in them scared him. _Maybe a nice day out will help me forget about that damn Mario…_

He pulled off the green backpack on his back and undid the zipper. After a bit of rummaging through things, he pulled out a small paper bag. Attached to it, was a note.

Luigi,

Really sorry about your kitchen. But I swear it wasn't my fault. There was this insane bird who was stealing our ham. I hope you have a nice day out. I packed you a lunch, a chicken sandwich done the way you like it. I just want you to know that you are my best fr… Hold on a second. They're showing old Ninja Turtles cartoons on TV! I'll finish writing this when the show is over.

Luigi cocked an eyebrow as he looked at the bottom of the page. "That idiot didn't even remember to come back and finish the note!" He shook his head, reaching into the bag and pulling out what could loosely be described as a sandwich. Mario had simply taken a big chicken leg, a head of lettuce and a fat tomato, and shoved them between a piece of white bread and a piece of rye bread, and doused it in spaghetti sauce. Luigi's eyes bulged out slightly as he started at the culinary disaster. After a long moment of silence for the chicken that was killed to make it, he quickly shoved the sandwich back into the paper bag, replaced it in his backpack, and decided to move on.

Despite all the bad things going on, Luigi found himself lightening up a bit. Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, a rock smashed into the back of his head with immense speed. Luigi fell forward, cursing lightly under his breath. He rubbed the sore spot on his neck and looked around, wondering where the projectile could have came from.

Hiding behind a bush, the First Ghost chuckled softly to himself. _I gotta keep this guy in a bad mood if I want to get them to fight. He's normally too soft when he isn't. _He pulled out another rock, aimed carefully, and launched it, catching Luigi right in between his shoulder blades. The man in green stumbled forward, tripping over a loose vine. The ground below him was a steep incline, and so he tumbled downhill, quickly gaining velocity. He came to a stop at the end of the hill, smashing face first into the side of a large tree.

Through hazy eyes, he looked at the ground he was sitting on. _Hmmm… rope… Why would there be rope in the forest…?_

The rope net trap sprung, hoisting Luigi up into the air. Loud Italian curses flowed freely from his mouth as he tried in vain to free himself from his current predicament.

* * *

Meanwhile, a short distance away…

Kirby was humming to himself as he skipped through the forest. The sun was shining brightly, and the day was showing all the signs of being a good one. He came into a clearing, looked up, and stopped dead in his tracks. Hanging between two trees was a small billboard.

Fun Fact: Did you know that people who wear green taste incredibly delicious?

Kirby tilted his head to one side. He had not known that. He looked down as his stomach let out a small groan. He hadn't realized how hungry he had been until he had read that sign. He continued his walk, trying as hard as he could to shake his appetite.

Several meters up the path, he found himself face to face with another sign.

Another Fun Fact: Did you know that people with the letter "L" on their hats fill you more than any other kind of person?

Kirby quickly moved along, doing his best to control his urges of hunger. His new doctor had told him that eating things whole was having its effect on his insides, and that he should try to cut down on unchewed stuff.

The puffball quickened his pace, trying his best to forget about tasty green men with the letter "L" on their hats. But he came to a screeching halt as he saw yet another sign. This one was next to a net, and the net had a green man with "L" on his hat! The sign said:

Wow! A green man with an "L" on his hat! What are the chances of that?

Kirby tilted his head to the side in awe. What were the chances of that? If he turned down this wonderful luck, he might get cursed forever. In fact, it would be absolutely wrong of him not to take this opportunity. Having thoroughly convinced himself, he floated up into the air, drool forming along his mouth.

Luigi turned in his net, saw the hungry Kirby coming toward him, and used the only defensive maneuver he could think of. He screamed at the top of his lungs. This, however, did not even slow Kirby down as he made a beeline towards lunch. He was used to things screaming as he ate them.

Right as Kirby came in close, Luigi shut his eyes, grabbed some of the rope constraining him, and concentrated his power. A faint green glow emanated from his gloves, and smoke started to creep up. The immense heat from his fireball technique singed the rope, freeing the younger Mario brother and sending him hurtling toward the ground.

Kirby growled as the green man slipped right past his mouth. No meal of his was gonna get away that easily! He dashed toward the ground, sending up dust as Luigi rolled to the side. The Mario brother and the puffball stood at a distance, each one staring the other down.

_Of all the damn luck, I get attacked by some damn puffball! First my kitchen, then my idiot brother, then the stupid rock, and then the damn tree, and the net… Dammit!_

Luigi flew forward, throwing out a dashing punch at the small Kirby. The pink warrior crushed himself flat against the ground, dodging the punch as it flew overhead. He then sprung up, using the momentum to flip kick Luigi in his soft underbelly. There was a groan from the Italian as he was knocked up into the air, coming down hard on his stomach.

Before the plumber could get himself back on his feet, Kirby jumped in front of him, pulling out a huge mallet from seemingly nowhere. Luigi let out an "oh crap" just in time to receive a powerful downward smash from the wooden weapon. Images of all the creatures Luigi had defeated with his own hammer flooded into his head, and he felt a pang of guilt. _This hurts more than it looks…_he lamented as Kirby rained down hammer blows onto his face.

Kirby pulled back, slightly winded from all the exercise. He was breathing heavily, and he realized he was out of shape. No more whole elephants for a while…

Luigi managed to pull himself to his feet, charging fire power into both of his hands. He jumped up into the air, and began throwing rapid fireballs back down toward the ground. Kirby ran back and forth, screaming in a shrill voice as he tried to avoid the rain of fire. One of the fireballs nicked him in the side, and his eyes shot open in pain. Smoke rose up from the wound, and Kirby plopped onto the floor, gently crying to himself.

Luigi landed, noticing his weeping opponent. His soft side came back in full force, and he felt like a fool. _That poor little puffball…all he wanted was to be friends…_He cautiously approached Kirby, reaching tenderly out with his hand. "There there…"

Just as Luigi's hand came into range, Kirby's eyes lit up. He opened his mouth wide and began sucking in air at an incredible rate. Luigi struggled against the suction as hard as he could, but he was losing ground. Using all of his energy in one burst, he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around a nearby tree and holding on for dear life. Foliage, small animals, and rocks zoomed by him as they were sucked into Kirby's seemingly endless stomach.

_I'm… I'm loosing my grip! _Just as Luigi could feel his hands slipping, there was a ripping sound from the region of his back. "My backpack!" The zipper finally snapped under all that stress, sending the contents of Luigi's backpack flying towards Kirby's mouth.

A certain paper bag was thrown open in the torrent, causing a certain disgusting lunch to come flying out. Luigi winced despite himself as Kirby sucked the chicken sandwich in, his eyes going wide and his face turning green. The vacuum effect of Kirby's mouth stopped suddenly, and Luigi fell to the ground.

Kirby fell to the ground, clutching at his stomach. Small groans escaped from him like puffs of air, and then he spun around, slowly crashing to the ground. There were one or two wet gurgles, and then Kirby's eyes closed for good.

Luigi picked himself up, brushing his clothes off. He looked at down at the destroyed paper bag and sighed. _Even when he isn't here, Mario always gets to beat the bad guy… dammit…_ The younger Mario brother hung his head, walking off into the distance with a slight depression taking over his mood.

From behind his bush, the first ghost smacked himself in the forehead. "Man, this is the stupidest tournament ever… He's gonna be really pissed…."

* * *

An undisclosed location- An unknown time

"Hahahahaha! I've done it! I'll show them! I'll show everyone! My greatest masterpiece! Completed!" The third ghost threw his hands into the air triumphantly as he looked down at his project. Very soon, glory and revenge would be his…

* * *

AN- Well, that wraps up another chapter. Not much to say, except stay tuned. Next match is Gannon vs Marth. Yay! 


	22. Gannon v Marth

AN- Another exciting chapter of Ultimate Battle. Hurrah. I would like to take another moment to plug my new website. www. Klyde. net. The ultimate in cool. We have also set up forums, so come sign up. Not to mention we are selling t shirts and stuff on the site, so be sure to browse around. So if you have any questions , (Yes, including those regarding any of my fanfiction), be sure to stop in and post. Anyhow, on with the show! Oh, and I don't own Wal-Mart.

* * *

Wal-Mart- San Marcos, Texas- 8:05 AM

Gannon sighed as he entered the Wal-Mart. His mother had finally won. He had buckled down and got a job at a nearby Wal-Mart. Today was his first day as a cashier. He winced as his new boss handed him his blue smock.

"Now, Gannon. You represent the finest company in the world. Remember, the customer is always right. And you are always wrong."

Gannon nodded, trying to fit into his smock, which was several sizes too small. The warlock growled, using his magick to light the offending smock on fire. His new manager, Waluigi, sighed.

"Gannon, I understand at your last job, you were…" Waluigi paused, looking at Gannon's application. "A warlord and terror bringer. But things are different here at Wal-Mart. You can't just go around lighting things on fire."

Gannon's brow twisted in confusion. "What do you mean? We have to actually punch everything that angers us?"

Waluigi frowned. "No. We smile, and we give the customer what they want."

The warlock still didn't get it. "And what they want is a beating, right?"

Waluigi smacked Gannon on the side of the head. "No! They want good service, dependable prices, and a friendly shopping experience!"

"You sure they don't want just a little beating?"

"I'm positive. Now, here is your till. Go to register 10 and get started."

Gannon felt the urge to destroy the strange man in purple, but he fought it down. _Mom will kill me if I get fired on my first day. I'm allergic to dying. So I guess I better just get this over with. _

Grumbling, Gannon set up his register. With a snap of his fingers, the light above his head went on, signaling he was open for business.

Several minutes went by, and nothing happened. No customers, no problems. Gannon smiled to himself. _I could get used to th.._

"Hello! Are you deaf?"

Gannon pulled himself out of his thoughts. "Oh! How can I help you?"

Mario frowned. "I'm just here to pick up some beer." He slammed a twelve pack down on the counter.

Several minutes later, Gannon was once again staring off into space. _I have a job, I have power, and I'll have money. Now, all I need is a woman._

"Hello? Are you open?"

Gannon snapped out of his daydream, finding himself face to face with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Princess Zelda. _Be cool, Gannon! Be cool! Make her laugh!_ He went to open a bag, but his hand got wrapped up in it, causing several minutes of agony. Zelda turned away, laughing slightly.

_Not like that, you moron! Be witty!_

Gannon coughed, throwing the bag behind him. "Well, those bags are just stupid. That's all." _Real smooth, moron! Oh well… I'm gonna try to ask her on a date!_

"Listen, do you…?"

"Hold on a second." Zelda cut him off, turning away. "Link, I'm over here! Hurry up!"

Gannon's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. Link walked up, a doofy look on his face. In his hand was a package of condoms. The hero of time put the condoms on the counter, turning red and laughing along with Zelda.

"Is that all?" Gannon asked in a monotone voice. Link and Zelda were completely ignoring him as they held each other's hand. "Ahem!" He cleared his throat. The two lovers spun around, remembering where they were.

Zelda smiled. "Oh, sorry. No, the condoms will be all."

Gannon frowned. "Ok. Four bucks."

Link handed over the money, the big grin still plastered across his face. _Just let me get one good shot, I'll ruin that dork's smile good…_

"Well, you folks have a good night…"

Zelda turned back toward Gannon and nodded. "Oh, we will." The two youths laughed out loud as they skipped off, still holding the other's hand.

Gannon shook his head, trying to clear his vision of red. "Son of a bitch… " he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

Gannon spun around. Ness was standing there, a small smile on his face. "How's the job going, Gannon?"

Gannon rolled his eyes. "Just great. Couldn't be happier."

Ness nodded. "Oh. Well, that's good…"

_Why is Ness hesitating?_

Ness smiled nervously as he put a six pack of beer on the counter. "I would like to um, buy this beer," he said as he tried to speak in a lower tone.

Gannon shook his head. "You have to be kidding me, Ness. You're like 10."

"Nuhuh! I'm like 26!"

"Sorry, shrimp. No ID, no beer."

Ness's face fell. "But Young Link said you were cool. It's only this once…"

Now Gannon was loosing his temper. "I said no!'

Ness frowned. "Okay, fine. I guess I'm too young to drink anyway."

The young boy turned around, handing the beers to Popo. "I told ya he wouldn't do it…"

Popo nodded, walking up to Gannon. "I'd like to buy this beer."

The warlock rolled his eyes. "And this beer is for you?"

Popo smiled. "Uh, yeah. All for me. No vodka tonight! Tonight I drink beer!" he said in a very unconvincing tone.

Gannon frowned. "No way, pal. You're just gonna give it to that damn kid."

Popo turned to Ness and shrugged. "Sorry, kid. Better luck next time."

Dejected, Popo and Ness left the Wal-Mart. Gannon shook his head. "Damn that Ness. This job really blows."

"Everything going alright, Gannon?" Waluigi walked up to him, a concerned look on his face. "How's the day been going?"

Gannon shrugged. "It's not that bad. A kid just tried to buy beer, but otherwise it's going okay."

Waluigi nodded. "Alright. Just remember, the customer is always right. Unless they are underage." With that, the manager walked off.

Gannon looked down the aisle, and sullen dread filled his heart. Kirby was walking towards his register, with a cart that was more like a mountain of food. The creampuff couldn't even see where he was going because the food blocked his view.

"Can I help you…" Gannon was cut off as Kirby's cart smashed into the side of his register, dumping food all over the poor Wal-Mart employee.

After several minutes spent digging Gannon out of the pile of food, the check out began.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Gannon's arm was ready to fall off as he reached the end of Kirby's order. He let out a hoarse sigh as he leaned down on the register.

"Alright, ya little puffball. The total is six hundred and eighty dollars, forty two cents."

Kirby smiled, reaching into a little bag. He pulled out a small stone, handing it to Gannon.

The warlock looked at the rock, and then back at Kirby's expectant expression. He let out a small groan.

"Kirby, we don't accept rocks."

Kirby looked at Gannon with sad puppy dog eyes. He was on the verge of crying.

The puffball suddenly smiled, realization dawning on his face. How stupid of him! He took the rock back, pulling out a black magic marker. There were a few moments of rushed scribbling, and then Kirby handed back the rock with a big grin. Gannon took the rock, examining it with forced cheerfulness.

"Oh boy. You wrote $680.42 on the rock. How intelligent."

Kirby nodded, going to push the cart away. Gannon stepped in front of him, blocking the way.

"I'm afraid I'll have to call my manager."

Kirby looked at Gannon in fear, tears beginning to stream from his face. Gannon rolled his eyes as he signaled Waluigi over.

"What's wrong, Gann…!" Waluigi saw Kirby crying, and turned back to Gannon.

"What did you do?" He pulled Gannon to the side. "Why is that customer crying?"

Gannon growled. "He isn't a customer! He's a dumb creampuff that's trying to pay for groceries with a rock!"

Waluigi turned back to Kirby. "I'm sorry about that inconvenience, sir." He took the rock and smiled. "Of course we accept rocks with numbers on them here. You have a wonderful day, sir."

Waluigi smiled and waved as Kirby happily pushed his cart outside. Once there, he looked around to make sure no one was looking. Once he was satisfied, he turned to the cart and sucked it into his mouth. There was a moment of strain, and with a bit of force, he managed to swallow the cart whole. _What my doctor doesn't know won't hurt me…

* * *

_

Back in the Wal-Mart, Waluigi was lecturing Gannon. "What part of "The customer is always right" don't you get?"

Gannon hung his head.

"If word got out that we made a customer cry, how much business do you think we would lose? A lot more than six hundred dollars worth, I'll tell you that much!"

_This is insane…_ Gannon thought. _And this is the most wealthy company in the universe?_

"Now you get back to your register, and I don't want to hear another word about crying customers!"

As Gannon slunked back to his register, he let out a small sigh. "This job is really more trouble than it's worth. If only I was allowed to just cock back and blast someone. That'd make me feel better."

The warlock let out a sigh as Young Link strolled up. "Hey Gannon."

"What do you want, kid?"

Young Link looked around in either direction. "Hey dude, hook me up with some smokes."

Gannon rolled his eyes. "Beat it."

Young Link gave him an angry look. "But I thought you were cool!"

"Well, I guess I'm not. I don't give cigarettes to little kids. "

Link's face bunched up, and he began to sniffle. "B….b….but…"

"WAHAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Waluigi ran over with the fire of death in his eyes. "Another crying customer, Gannon!"

Gannon leaned back, resigned to his fate. Termination was beginning to look pretty good.

Waluigi kneeled down in front of Link. "There there. What's wrong, little man?"

Link dried his eyes and looked pleadingly at Waluigi. "All I wanted was some cigarettes, and the mean man over there wouldn't let me buy them."

Waluigi shook his head. "For shame, Gannon. Denying this poor boy." He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and gave them to Link. "There ya go, little guy. You have a good day."

Link ran off with the cigarettes, his tears turning into a smile. "Yay!"

Waluigi turned back to Gannon. "Can you give me one good reason why you didn't give that customer cigarettes?"

Gannon frowned. "Yeah. He was like ten."

Waluigi rolled his eyes. "That's not…." Suddenly realization dawned on him.

"Oh crap."

Gannon smiled as Waluigi took off in a sprint after Link. "Little boy! Come back!"

* * *

Several hours later, Gannon was growing extremely bored. Once again he found himself doubting the wisdom of working at Wal-Mart. His patience was thin enough as it was, and all these irritating customers were no help.

"Hello? Are you open?"

Gannon spun around to see Daisy with a small cart of goods. _Finally, something simple._

Daisy gave him a small smile. "How are you today?"

Gannon smiled back despite himself. "Oh, uh… I'm okay."

"That's good. Only have a few things for you."

Daisy put a package of cookies on the conveyor belt. As Gannon went to scan it, her eyes went wide.

"I have a coupon for that!"

Gannon nodded. "Oh. Ok."

Bread.

"Coupon!"

Eggs.

"Coupon!"

Brownie mix.

"I have a coupon for that!"

Baby formula….

"Baby formula?" Gannon gave Daisy a lopsided look. "You don't have a baby…."

Daisy nodded. "I know. But I do have a coupon."

Gannon slapped himself on the forehead.

* * *

"Hello, good sir!"

Gannon rolled his eyes as Captain Falcon walked up. His skin was still scratched up from his fight with Luigi. He had a package of bandaids in his hand and a sheepish grin on his face.

"How's it going? I got in a fight with this guy in green overalls. He smashed me pretty good."

Gannon nodded, not really listening. Falcon went on.

"Well, afterwards, I found myself rather thoughtful. You know, like, how could I let this green guy win, you know?"

Gannon rolled his eyes. "Are you gonna buy something?"

The racer gave him a hurt look. "Fine. I just thought you'd be interested."

"Well, I'm not. What are you buying?"

Captain Falcon slammed the package of bandaids down on the counter. Gannon swiped it through the scanner, and with a little beep, the price came up.

"That'll be three dollars and sixty two cents."

Falcon raised an eyebrow. "Three sixty two? Are you sure?"

Gannon rolled his eyes. "It says it right here on the screen. We don't just make up prices."

"Well, the sign under it said three sixty eight."

Gannon gave his customer a funny look. "Three sixty eight? But that's more than…"

"Did I ask you for a math lesson? I'm telling you that the bandaids are three sixty eight, and you charged me wrong!"

Gannon had to bite his lip to keep from clobbering Falcon. He slowly counted to ten, cursed the stupidity of others, and changed the price.

Falcon took his bag and frowned. "You had best get on top of this little problem, chief." He said as he walked off.

_That's it! This damn job isn't worth it! I'm gonna…_

Marth walked up to the counter, a piece of clothing in his hands. "Excuse me? I'd just like to buy this pink sweater…"

"Gahhhh!" Gannon leapt over the register, charged up a warlock punch, and smashed Marth into oblivion. He let out a deep sigh, completely satisfied.

Waluigi walked up with an air of panic. "What did you do! He was a customer!"

Gannon sighed. _Not quite satisfied…_

One warlock punch later found Waluigi bouncing around the local Wal-Mart, his head alight with purple flame. Gannon smiled. "Now I feel better." He ripped off his name bag, burned it with his magick, and left the store.

* * *

AN- So there it is! Marth had a long run, but he has been eliminated. We are now left with Mario, Gannon, and Luigi as the three finalists. Wait a minute. Three? How will that work? Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion of the Ultimate Battle! (And go to the website.) 


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